


The Kiss that Changed the World Pt. 2

by EddieFook



Series: Kiss!verse [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Destiel - Freeform, Fluff, Hand Jobs, Hurt/Comfort, Lots of Hurt, Love, M/M, References to Cutting, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, destiel smut, lots of comfort, slightly suicidal Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-09
Updated: 2016-05-24
Packaged: 2018-06-07 10:13:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 26,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6799666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EddieFook/pseuds/EddieFook
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel failed in his mission to rid Dean of the mark. Unable to get rid of the guilt of his failure Cas does the only thing he can think of. He leaves. Dean copes the best he can, but how can you cope with only half your soul? And will they ever see each other again?</p><p>Part 2 of The Kiss that Changed the World</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Say It's You

**Author's Note:**

> So this was only supposed to be about 10-20 pages just to let you know how the boys did after the end of the last fic...yeah it's about 55 pages...

Cas didn’t sleep at all that night.

Yes, he knew he was an angel and didn’t need to sleep but over the hundreds of years he became used to curling around his husband and sleep with his chin tucked in the hollow of Dean’s neck and his nose buried in sandy hair. Aaand he was off again.

He rose and paced, perhaps if he exhausted himself to the point of sleep he could close his eyes for a moment and turn his brain off.

Because his brain wouldn’t stop sending him images of Dean gently kissing him.

Dean making slow, powerful love with him.

Dean walking past and running an absent hand through Cas’s hair.

Dean with his head in Cas’s lap talking about a million things while one of his hands was buried in Cas’s wing.

Cas shook his head again. He failed his mission he needed to move on and allow himself to forget. He needed to forget that he ever had happiness because he didn’t deserve that happiness. If he had deserved it he wouldn’t have failed Dean. He wouldn’t have failed…

Cas sank to his knees and the tears that had threatened to overcome him since he met that reaper and said goodbye to Dean, _his_ Dean, rushed at him like a bull.

“NO!” he roared and ran out of the room. He needed to do something. So he found the gym deep in the bunker and started ripping apart everything he could.

***

“Dean, you need to go to the gym.” Dean popped his head up, his messy bedhead sticking in all directions.

“What?”

“You have to go to the gym.” Sam repeated.

“No, I hunt that’s enough exercise for me, Sammy, you go do that heathy yoga shit.”

“No, Dean,” Sam pinched the bridge of his nose and then slapped his brother before Dean could get comfortable. When that didn’t work he stole Dean’s covers, and _that_ sure as hell worked.

“Get back here bitch!”

“No,” Sam held the blanket high, “It’s Cas, Dean, something’s wrong.”

“What?”

“You’ve never been able to catch on in the mornings, have you?”

“You catch on…” Dean made a face even he knew that one was awful. “This isn’t morning Sammy, no normal person is up at this hour.” Sam rolled his eyes and pushed Dean out of his room.

“Go figure out what’s going on with Cas.” Dean grumbled but he made his way to the gym.

“Wow,” he whistled low. Cas was sitting in the middle of what Dean could only describe as an indoor tornado. Anything that could be ripped in half was, half the weights were thrown into walls (concrete walls) creating deep craters, the treadmill was hanging together on prayers and a few small wires, and the other fancy ass machines Sam insisted on weren’t faring any better. “Cas,” Dean reached out a hand and tapped the man’s shoulder. Cas jolted as if he was hit with lightning and turned just as fast.

“Dean!” his eyes were puffy and red, why would Cas be crying? What did the dude even have to cry about? He was a freaking angel, yeah the whole shit with heaven was fucked up, but Dean doubted it was worth crying over.

“Hey, so you felt like working out?” Dean cocked a confident smile and Cas looked away.

“I am sorry,” he waved his hand and everything was back in pristine condition.

“Hey man, I don’t care about that shit, what’s going on with you?” Cas shook his head and rose.

“I am sorry about the room, but I cannot tell you what’s going on.” He used air quotes on the last two words and then smiled faintly.

“Ok, I’m not gonna push you but you can talk to me, we’re family, man, you’re like my brother.” Dean slapped Cas’s back, “So lemme know if you need my help or shit.” Cas nodded.

And he did the only thing he could think of.

He flew away.

Cas felt like a piece of shit for running away but he was _so much more_ to Dean than brother. Brother was what he called Gabriel and Michael and even Sam. To compare what he felt for Dean to being a _brother_ was the pinnacle of pain and the tipping point telling Cas he couldn’t stay any more.

He didn’t really much care where he flew, but once he landed he looked around and it was…beautiful. High rocky mountains rose all around him and the stars exploded above him. The air smelled crisp and clean like pine and Cas took several deep breaths feeling it fill and cleanse him.

He didn’t deserve Dean. Didn’t deserve to tell him the truth, not even just the time travel failure but how Cas felt about the hunter. Cas was a piece of shit and he knew it to his core. And penance wouldn’t cure him like purgatory last time. No, this was something he was going to have to live with for the rest of time. He couldn’t protect Dean.

And with the prospect of millennia living with his pain Cas did the only cowardly thing he could think of.

The angel blade felt smooth in his hand and he just had to look at it for a moment as it glistened in the starlight. Angels were created not to recognize beauty, not to see the way nature created pure moments of exquisiteness, or how with a blink while they were driving their cars and humming hard rock music humans could be the most gorgeous thing in all of their father’s creation.

So Cas took a moment just looking at the stars turning his angel blade to sparkle and shine.

 _At least I’ll be finished by something beautiful, very poetic_ he thought as the blade sunk home.

***

**Three Years Later**

“Come on baby I’m no saint,” Dean winked and the girl melted. Another face in another bar and Dean could hardly care. He was horny and this girl would be enough.

They made it back to the hotel and Dean smirked as the girl stripped and straddled him. He put a few quarters in the magic fingers and then reached up to cup her tits. He rolled her nipples in his fingers and she arched into him.

It was quick and dirty, just the way Dean liked…well sort of not that much really…it. She was great and it was a good lay for a while but it didn’t stop the pit in Dean’s stomach.

Two years.

Two years since Death took the Mark and placed it on some poor fool that Dean was trying to track down.

Two years since Sam looked at him in tired joy saying that they’d figure it out, they’d find whoever was the new owner of the mark and help them.

Two years of going back to hunting. Regular family business, saving people and hunting things. It was strange not to be in charge or a part of something bigger but there they were. Salting ghosts and ganking vamps.

It bugged him that they’d not seen Cas in, what? Three years? He lost track of the months but he never failed in starting and ending his day by praying to Cas. Now it was mostly just a good morning and good night, but whenever Dean was feeling sad, or happy, or frustrated, really when he was feeling anything strongly the prayer at the end of the day was longer. He told Cas everything that had happened, how he wished he had his friend there to share in whatever it was.

Dean ran a hand through his hair again and rose from the bed.

“I’m, uh, going to take a shower. You good getting home or do you need a ride?” the girl (Sandy? Sharon?) looked up with eyes full of hurt.

“You’re not going to ask me to stay?”

“Honey look around, is this a place where anyone would ask someone to stay?” She rolled her eyes and grabbed her clothes. Dean didn’t even cringe when she slammed the door, he just felt numb.

“I know, I know,” he said quietly when he was under the hot spray. “I was mean, but what did she expect, Cas? Whatever, I know. Don’t tell me I should be nicer but she should have had a clear picture of how this was going to go down when I brought her in here. I’m not boyfriend material, Cas, tried it once or twice and I just end up hurting everyone. Besides I don’t think I could…” Dean cut himself off there. He couldn’t explain to himself why he just knew he wouldn’t be satisfied being that girl’s boyfriend, really how he wouldn’t be satisfied being anyone’s boyfriend. “You gotta come home Cas, I really miss you.” Dean turned the scalding water off and grabbed a towel.

He didn’t honestly know why he was praying to Cas, the dude never answered anyway.

***

**1 year later**

“Dean,” Sam again pinched the bridge of his nose, Dean was buried in another girl…again. “Dean! We got a vamp nest, now do you want me to go by myself and decapitate them all alone?” That did the magic trick and the girl squealed and grabbed her things.

“Bitch!” Dean yelled. “What did I ever do to you to get cock blocked?”

“Let me see,” Sam started counting his fingers and Dean just slammed the door to the bathroom. He scrubbed the gross of sex off and growled at everything. He wanted to be good with Sammy, but ever since the mark left and Sam was just so damn relieved Dean couldn’t get it out of his head. He knew Sam cared for him, though he shouldn’t, but he just was so damn happy and how could he be happy when he knew the Mark was possessing someone else? Someone else was suffering just like Dean had and Sam was happy? Why, because it wasn’t Dean?

“He shouldn’t be happy that it’s not me, Cas,” he whispered as he toweled off. “I don’t deserve him caring for me, look at you I couldn’t take care of you and you’re my…” he shook his head. Whatever Cas was to him didn’t matter, Cas was never coming back anyway.

***

**2 Years Later**

“Oh right there, right there, right _there_.” The faceless girl screamed and Dean thrust a few more times before falling back on the bed. She rolled and panted looking up at the ceiling. After a few minutes she picked up her clothes and looked expectantly at him.

“Oh yeah, sorry,” Dean threw her some money and she mock saluted him.

“Thanks for the great ride.”

The quite close of the door could have been as loud as a gunshot. Again Dean was alone. Again another person left him. Cas left. Sam left. Everyone important left.

And why wouldn’t they? Dean was just a crummy piece of shit anyway. He drove Sam away because he wasn’t afraid to share his feelings about how much he deserved to be hated. He drove Cas away because he couldn’t protect the man and he was too afraid to…

“Hey so I know you aren’t listening but just in case you are…” It was the first time Dean prayed to Cas in over a year and he fell into the comfort of talking to his best friend. “I don’t know if I can keep doing this. I don’t know if I _want_ to do this anymore. All I want right now is you. I need to talk to you and hear your voice and just…I really miss you Cas and I don’t think I’m going to be able to hang on much longer.”

He fell into sleep after that. Sleep never brought comfort anymore and really the only way he was able to fall asleep was after a brutal hunt or a pointless fuck. Or he could get bling drunk that always worked.

He woke the next morning to a buzzing phone. He was lucky if he dreamt black, but most of the time he was stuck in nightmares, shadows that took Sam away and killed Cas. This morning he when he woke he sent a silent thanks to Cas that he didn’t remember his dark dreams.

“’Lo?” he growled into the phone.

“Dean-o? It’s Garth, listen I got a bad ass group of vamps out in Montana they took out a couple hunters already but your old bones shouldn’t have trouble with them.” Dean groaned. “Hey come on you’ll be balls,” Dean groaned again and took down the address.

The drive was uneventful even a little boring. Dean blared a country western radio, he didn’t bother to search for a tape or even try to find a decent radio station. What was the point anyway?

He found a seedy motel and dropped his bag of burgers on the other empty bed.

“Don’t start,” Dean grumbled in the empty room. “I don’t want to hear it Castiel, I’m going to eat whatever I want and you can’t say anything because you _left_. You didn’t want me Cas so I don’t care.” Dean growled and then just threw himself on the bed. He had no energy to go to a bar and pick anyone up (he didn’t care who), he really didn’t even have the energy to sit up and grab his burgers.

The next morning Dean woke but his apathy kept him in bed. What was the point of anything if it didn’t change his life? Nothing would change if the vamp nest wasn’t taken care of. Cas would still be gone. Sam would still be gone. So he followed through with his normal routine he stared at the ceiling, thought about what a fucking disgrace he was, reminded himself he was a piece of shit for not jumping up and saving people, thought again how if he was successful that it wouldn’t bring Cas or Sam back, and then (the thought that always got him out of bed) he shrugged and reminded himself that if he did die it really wouldn’t matter.

He followed Garth’s coordinates to the barn the vamps were supposedly at and found they had changed locations. They had left a trail and for just a moment Dean was less depressed catching a scent and following it.

It was dusky when he reached the house that would be charitably called a meth lab when he found the vamps. Well found was a charitable term as well.

More like four vamps jumped him and brought him down with a brutal punch to his face.

When he woke up he was tied to a chair and a she vampire was slowly cutting up his arms. Dean was fascinated by the way his blood flowed out, it was enrapturing the way his red blood flowed so easily and he was just as focused on it as the other vamps.

They took turns cutting on him and licking their knives clean.

“So what I’m a slow cooker?” Dean really didn’t care, actually the pain felt nice…good. Like the suffering of being alone was forgotten every time that sharp edge kissed his skin.

“Something like that,” the nearest vamp snapped his teeth. He dug a long strip into Dean’s side and the hunter hissed in almost pleasure.

When he’d lost two and a half pints of blood he was feeling really good. The world had taken on a dreamy haze and wow it was an amazing vacation from reality.

He was barely aware when a figure jumped in and started slashing heads. He giggled slightly when a surprised face rolled and hit his calf. He was fading fast which was probably why he didn’t even question that it was Cas who saved him.

The angel bent down and took Dean’s face in his hands and Dean thought the number of times he’d felt that scratchy brown stubble but he’d never felt Cas’s hands on him. Sure there was an arm touch or shoulder brush, but Dean couldn’t honestly remember if Cas had ever touched his skin.

“’M in heaven,” he breathed and then passed out.

***

Dean decided the hospital was the worst place to wake up in. He always hated the smells of hospitals and the soft, constant beeping freaked him out. He also hated the feeling of expectancy. He could feel a presence next to him hovering, waiting for him to wake up.

“Stop worrying,” he rasped out. “I’m fine.”

“Like hell,” Dean smiled tiredly and looked at his brother. Sam’s hair was longer in the year and a half since they’d seen one another.

“I swear Sam with hair like that you should be in a hospital.” Sam rolled his eyes and sipped at the coffee in his hand. Dean settled back in his pillows and the awkward silence hung over them.

“So, uh,” Dean tried to be casual and Sam pretended he didn’t notice. “Where’s Cas?”

“What?” Sam looked confused.

“You know, he was, um, there in the vamp nest. He saved me.”

“Cas was never here, man,” Sam looked several different things, pitying that Dean might have seen Cas, that Dean might have made Cas up, that Dean might have made up the vamps and cut all over to kill himself. “Another hunter found you bleeding and took care of the vamps…”

Dean didn’t have enough energy to argue back so he just resettled and looked out the window.

Over the days in the hospital Dean didn’t even want to get out of bed and not even the threat of holding off food would get him up and moving.

***

“Dean take this,” Sam shook an orange bottle at him. He’d been discharged three weeks ago and while Sam had never left his side he did want to strangle his idiot brother.

“Why?” How the hell did he get this bad? Sam wondered, Dean was his big brother, the dude was a rock and he was always the strong one of the two of them. Sam couldn’t remember a time, except for the short while he was at college, when Dean wasn’t taking care of him. But now Dean could barely muster enough energy to get off the couch and it was work to get him to finish even a bowl of cereal.

“Because I’m asking you to, it’ll help you get better.”

“What’s the point? I mean sooner or later you’ll leave, Cas is gone, I hurt everyone I’m around so why should I bother to get better?”

“Dean,” Sam leaned down and knelt in front of the couch. “I was wrong to leave you, you’re my brother and I should have been there for you. Let me be there for you.” Dean thought about it for a long time and then held his palm out. Sam tipped a blue pill in his palm and then handed his brother a glass of water.

***

**10 Months Later**

Dean woke up early and turned to look out the window. He pulled on a fuzzy sweater and sweatpants along with his favorite slippers. He padded down the stairs to the kitchen and started brewing coffee.

There was a small plate with a blue pill on it with a note that had a smile face drawn on it. He rolled his eyes at his idiot brother and grabbed a mug. He took the pill with his coffee and walked out to the deck.

After the vamp hunt Dean hung up his hat and hadn’t hunted again. Sam dropped everything as well and they found a home in the Colorado Rockies next to a lake. Well really they found property and they built a house next to a lake. And other than finishing the basement the house was all but finished.

Dean took his coffee out to the back deck and curled into a chair. He got a job at a mechanic shop but today was his day off so he intended to be lazy with his coffee and then finish dry walling the basement.

“I wish you could see this, Cas,” he whispered. “It’s so beautiful here, I know I can say this because you understand. Sam…well he won’t tease me because of the pills, but you would understand. I remember how you always talked about beautiful things so I know you’d like it here.” He sipped at his coffee and continued to talk softly to Cas.

Ever since the hospital and the depression medication Dean talked to Cas whenever he could. His prayers metamorphosed into long one sided conversations where Dean opened up about every little thing that popped into his head. He also started snuggling a pillow at night and whispering stories of when he was growing up, or old tv shows, or movies, or the plot of the trashy novels he’d become addicted to.

And while he was still depressed, and he had dark days where he thought about the night with the vamps and the cool pleasure of sliced skin, talking to Cas helped. He had someone who listened to his feelings and thoughts without judgement and always let Dean go on and on. Cas’s face, or at least the face Dean imagined, never closed off was always looking on as if there was no place on earth Cas would rather be. Sometimes Dean imagined Cas sitting on a cloud looking down on him for some reason unable to come to Dean and listening to every thought Dean had.

“Ok so Sammy got the wiring in and we premeasured the drywall and now I need these tools.” Dean talked through his steps with Cas and by the end of the day he finished two walls and even got the spackling done as well.

“Oh shit,” he cursed when he saw Sam’s pickup lights in the window, “Shit Cas, Sam is going to kill me. I forgot to eat today and I bet the moose made some kind of lunch and he’s going to be pissed if he sees it still in the fridge. What should I do? Right, you’re right, I’ll just keep working and when he sees how much I got done…shut up I know he’ll be pissed.” Dean worked on the walls more and cringed when he heard Sam’s yell.

“Dean! You didn’t eat, _again_!” Sam clomped down the stairs and stopped for a moment seeing the completed walls and his brother looking like a five year old with his hand caught in the cookie jar.

“I forgot…” Dean smiled weakly and Sam rolled his eyes.

“Fine, but you’re eating two burgers tonight, jerk.”

“Bitch,” dean even continued the smile and laughed a little too.

So they settled. Dean worked on the house and the garage. Sam worked at a used bookstore his knowledge and computer skills bringing the shop to the current times and even giving good business ideas.

After a few more months Dean walked out to the deck with his coffee and looked out over the water. The fall leaves were in full and it was so beautiful Dean was moved to take a drive.

He pulled baby out and after leaving a note for Sam he picked a highway and drove. 

“Cas this is amazing,” he smiled through the rock music and the falling leaves. The sky was a perfect blue and the leaves were brilliant shades of orange, red, and yellow. And then for a millionth time: “I wish you were here.”

Dean drove for hours and ended up somewhere in Montana. He’d been having more and more good days, and he only wished Sam would understand that Dean was becoming content in living alone. Sam had met a girl named Holly and they’d been dating on and off for a while. They always offered to set Dean up but the man had politely declined. He had no interest in finding a woman or even in sex any more.

When his stomach rumbled he pulled over to a diner and when he walked in the smells were amazing and his mouth just started to drool.

“Hey sugar what can I get you?” Dean ordered a large meal and pulled the current trashy novel out of his pocket. He read through his food and three cups of coffee. The book was addicting and Dean couldn’t stop himself from reading. Dean had curled himself in the booth with his back to the window and his knees up on the booth and the all-encompassing book in his lap. It had taken forever for him to finally feel comfortable but once he did the hours slipped by.

So he ordered more coffee and a slice of pie.

It seemed like he’d been there so long his waitress had gone off shift and a new waiter had taken her place.

And the coffee and pie went flying when Dean looked up and finally saw who was serving him.

Cas was in his arms in less than a second.

He spun the man around and hugged him so hard Cas could hardly take a breath.

“Tell me it’s you, please say it’s you.” Dean set Cas down but still hugged him hard. “Is it you? Are you real?”

“Yes, Dean,” and Dean shuddered and cried hearing the deep voice again after nearly seven years. “It’s me, I’m here.” Dean petted in dark hair and didn’t even bother to pay attention that he was a heterosexual dude holding another dude for longer than was really appropriate. He didn’t care, this was Cas this was the man he trusted with his life and this was the man he was never letting go of again.

“Please don’t leave me,” Dean whispered, “I need you Cas, damn I can’t say how much I need you.” He cried again when he felt a tiny nod.

“Ok, I won’t leave.”

Dean didn’t want to let Cas go, he had forgotten what Cas felt like, what he smelled like, hell he just forgot all of Cas. Cas had become air and quiet and a pillow to hug, and something to just take all of Dean’s thoughts and feelings.

Physical Cas was so much better.

“Hey come on I have to go back to work.” Cas smiled and kissed Dean lightly. “I’ll be off at six and we can talk then.” He walked away and Dean resettled in his booth.

It took them a half hour to realize and have the exact same thought.

_Holy fuck did we just kiss?_

Neither could concentrate on their task, Dean reread the same passage fifteen times and Cas delivered nothing but pancakes to everyone. But all the patrons were local and they all saw that hug and knew whoever this reading man was he was going to be good for the young waiter.

“Jimmy!” The cook cackled and came out, she’d lived in the tiny town all her life and everyone knew her. “Take the rest of your shift off, we’re running out of pancakes.” She winked at the three men at the bar and they all laughed. Cas refused to fight her, but instead he shucked his apron and ran at Dean. The other men and women looked on with indulgent chuckles as the book went flying and the men were in each other’s arms again.

“Come on,” Cas pulled at Dean and they were out in the cool, autumn sunlight. They leaned against the Impala and hugged like crazy.

“I missed you,” Dean whispered, “Cas I…” he closed his eyes and just fell into the embrace and warmth. “I love you, I’m sorry I never told you that. But I love you.”

“Dean…” Cas breathed and pulled back so he could look at his best friend and former husband. “I…I love you too,” he pulled back before Dean could kiss him. “But there’s something you need to know.”

Dean sat quietly just taking in everything Cas was telling him. How he and Cas married and lived for centuries together. How he and Cas lived underwater, how they sat on Saturn’s rings, how they loved for longer than Dean ever thought they could. How Cas felt he’d failed when he lost his grace and the Fates came for him. How he was held by Dean and kissed making promises Cas was terrified to fulfill.

When Cas finished Dean slowly got up from the picnic bench and went back inside. Cas just threw his face in his hands and fell into darkness. Dean was never going to forgive him for not telling, for taking advantage, for everything.

He jumped when a slice of steaming apple pie was wiggled under his nose. Dean held up two forks and sat in close next to Cas.

“I love you,” Dean said firmly, “The only thing I care about right now is that you are willing to try again with me.” Cas dared to breathe and look up through his fingers. Dean was looking off in the distance with his fork still in his mouth. “As long as you want to be with me then it won’t matter to me what happened in your past.” He leaned over and held Cas’s face gently. “And as far as failing me, I could have died at any time, the fates could have tossed me into the abyss, but instead you were sent back and I was still alive.” He pressed his forehead to Cas’s, “I’m still alive Cas, I might not but at full par but I’m _alive_. And I want to be alive with you.”

“But,” Cas let his voice die, Dean was right. “Ok,” he breathed, “Ok I love you and I want this to work.” He matched Dean’s soft cry when he saw the man’s beam made of sunshine. They were quiet finishing their shared pie and really only cuddling together at their picnic table.

“So I have a house. Sammy’n me got out of the life and we got this land and I built a house.”

“I better go quit, then,” Cas stood and went inside. Dean pulled out his phone and saw a text from Sam just checking in and he texted back saying he was going to be back soon. When Cas came serenely out Dean beamed.

“They were sad to see me go,” he held his hand out and Dean jumped up and slotted in both hand and body.

“We’ll be back that apple pie is amazing. So where do you live, or do you just use your angel mojo and go back in the sky or something?”

“Oh,” Cas looked down, “I’m…um…” he relied on the hand in his. “I’m not an angel anymore. I carved out my grace…”

“What?”

“I failed you Dean, I was so arrogant thinking I’d saved you and we were so happy,” tears flowed in his eyes. “I _failed_ you, Dean, the only person I care about and I let you down.”

“Hey, hey,” Dean held Cas’s face. “Hey, you didn’t fail me,” he rubbed his thumbs gently into tear stains. “I am right here, alive and we get to love each other for the rest of our lives.” They pressed their foreheads together. “What better thing could I ask for?”

Dean held Cas as closely as he could in the six odd hour drive home. Sam texted half way through the drive saying he was spending the night with Holly, Dean told Cas to text back saying “Don’t forget the condom.”

“So um,” Dean and Sam’s property was the only one for miles so it was made of nothing but stone, cedar, and windows. The front door opened to the huge kitchen and living room with an even larger fireplace. That was Dean’s favorite, the fireplace.

Cas edged in tentatively a huge bag slung over his shoulder. The apartment he’d been living in was fully furnished so all he really needed to get were his clothes and a few personal items.

But as the warmth and comfort of the room seeped into Cas he couldn’t help but smile and drop his bag and jump on the huge, overstuffed couch. He pulled at pillows and made a nest for them. Dean snuggled in and bent down to undo Cas’s boots. Cas made a happy noise and did the same for Dean and they both scrunched their toes and curled in together.

Their hands were lazy on one another and they were content just to rest their heads on the back of the couch and look in each other’s eyes. Dean threw a blanket over them and the world became hazy after that.

Sam found them the next morning. Dean had shifted foreword and buried his face in Cas’s neck. They were still in an awkward position but Sam thought he’d never seen his brother look more content.

He moved down to make coffee and placed Dean’s pill on the counter. He then texted Andrew, Dean’s boss, and said the man wouldn’t be in today, possibly not tomorrow either. Then he texted Holly, after a _very_ good night of fun, and asked if he could crash at her place. The new couple was going to need some space.

Dean sniffed and woke up with his legs hurting like a bitch. He groaned and stretched but woke Cas almost immediately.

“Ow,” Cas looked like he’d slept incredibly well but was incredibly uncomfortable. The couch had made a crease in his face and Dean giggled pawing at it.

“You’re adorable.” Cas made a face which Dean declared was most adorable.

“Is that coffee,” Cas perked at the smell and popped off the couch. “Dean…there is a pill here…is it for you? And a note from Sam: _I took care of work and I’ll be with Holly for a few days_.”

“Oh yeah,” Dean jumped up, sometime in the car Dean shared his diagnosis with Cas and the man just nodded.

“Should you take that on an empty stomach?” Cas narrowed his eyes and Dean just shrugged.

“Umm, I dunno, I always just take it with coffee. Sam’s the one that knows, he puts the pills out for me.”

“Well sit your ass down, I’m cooking. You lost weight.”

“It’s been seven years, Cas,” the former angel just made a face and threw a dishtowel at Dean. It was odd, both knew they’d made mistakes but neither cared because they both seemed to know how deeply they were in love.

Dean watched Cas cook, really only just to be near Cas. Cas was here, here in his kitchen, Cas was humming tunelessly, Cas was using a spatula, Cas was smiling benignly at him. Cas was _here_.

But then the ex-hunter forgot all that when he bit into Cas’s eggs and bacon.

“Holy shit this is good,” he grinned around his fork and Cas just smiled.

“This is scrambled eggs and bacon, Dean, wait until you taste my apple pie.” There was something behind his eyes that made Dean’s go bugged.

“Wait apple pie, that was yours?! No shit?!”

“No shit,” Cas laughed. Dean enjoyed himself through two helpings and enjoyed even more sitting as close to Cas as possible.

After breakfast they toured the house. In the upstairs there were Sam and Dean’s bedrooms plus another guest room. Cas oohed and ahhed over the closet and bathroom in Dean’s room.

“I like this tub,” he climbed in and beckoned Dean in. They curled in and Dean nearly fell asleep listening to Cas’s heartbeat.

“We should try this in a bed sometime.” Dean hummed and Cas chuckled.

After a good nap they stretched and moved to the basement. Dean and Sam agreed to leave it one large room but they did put another bedroom and bathroom. Dean also added a wet bar and another large fireplace. The land sloped so around the fireplace they had huge windows.

“We still have to paint and I wanna tile the bar and add everything in the bathroom.”

“Then let’s get to work.”

Dean still hadn’t been motivated enough to finish off the bathroom so they painted the finished drywall and when Cas went up to fix lunch, with a lazy hand brushing across Dean’s back. And without even realizing it Dean was in the bathroom fiddling with the sink and toilet.

“Dean,” Cas called and the warm bubble in his chest filled and he followed the smells up the stairs.

“Holy shit, baby you can cook,” Cas smiled and sighed.

“That’s what you used to call me.”

“Is it ok?” Cas reached over and cupped Dean’s jaw.

“It’s more than ok.”

Dean ate again with vigor, Cas had made grilled chicken sandwiches with chips and he beamed when Dean had two helpings.

“Do you have afternoon medications?”

“Nope just the morning,” Dean started back in on the tile.

“Are you putting carpet down here?”

“I hadn’t really thought…what do you think?”

“I like the hardwood of upstairs. You could put carpet in the bedroom.” Dean considered.

“Yeah I think so, I mean…” they were sitting on the floor shoulder to shoulder in the big room looking out at Dean’s work. “I guess, I didn’t really realize it at the time but I was so depressed I didn’t care really what I did or didn’t do.” He nudged Cas’s leg with his knee, “I…um…prayed to you.”

“When?” Cas’s voice was soft.

“Every chance I got, it felt weird some days when I wasn’t able to say good night or good morning to you. I just wanted to talk to you about everything.”

“I talked to you too,” Cas whispered, “I…when we were…in the other time…you always wanted to know what I was thinking and so whatever popped in my head. I guess that I had a hard time letting that go.” Dean raised his face and rested his chin on Cas’s shoulder and nosed at Cas’s ear.

“We should have done this years ago.”

“I think we can wish to have time changed however, but now with you and thinking back on everything I think the timing is perfect.” They rested in silence for a while.

“We really need to do this in a bed,” Dean huffed as they stood and stretched. Cas grinned and kissed Dean’s cheek.

“Tonight.” He went up, taking their dishes and Dean moved back to the bathroom. The tile was coming nicely and Dean was even having fun with it. So much fun that he decided he was going to tile the bathroom too. Maybe even his bedroom shower too…he wondered what Cas would want. And his chest swelled with gold warmth thinking that Cas was with him. Cas was going to be here with him, Cas was going to make a home with him.

He was so lost in tiling he didn’t notice that Cas had been gone for a few hours. He cleaned up the best he could and went off to find his…well he didn’t really know what Cas was to him but just that Cas was his and without a doubt he was Cas’s.

“Cas—” Dean’s voice died when he smelled the most amazing smells known to man. Cas had flour in his hair and across his flat stomach but the kitchen looked spotless. “What—”

“I thought you would like a good meal.”

“What are we having?”

“Mmm, surprise. It won’t be done for an hour, I was going to go up and grab a shower.”

“Could I…I mean can I…” Dean looked at his dirty socks. “Can I join you? I mean not for sex, I…um…depression kind of kicks your sex drive out of commission but I can feel like down the road I will want to have sex with you…so…um…I just…” he wrung his hands and worried a cheek. “I really want to just be with you…I really just…”

“Dean, I would like to bathe you,” Cas took a stuttering Dean in hand and led him gently through the quiet house. The house that had felt just lived in, occupied, to Dean now quickly felt like _home_. He had a home.

Cas pulled him through his bedroom and into the bathroom. Dean flicked on the heater and fan and then the hot water. He stripped down and Cas did the same. Neither were hard, Cas was a little flushed but Dean stayed limp, but right now they hardly cared. Cas stepped under the steaming water and held his hand out to Dean.

Other than the fan and shower everything was quiet and the light soft around them. Dean got the pleasure of finally getting a chance to wash Cas and really dig his fingers in brown hair. He shampooed and conditioned twice and Cas then did the same on Dean. And Dean really couldn’t describe how amazing it felt to be so well taken care of and to feel the want in Cas’s fingers. Cas wanted to take care of him and Dean was really fine with that.

When they took turns washing one another’s bodies again nothing sexy came up. Sure Dean was incredibly impressed with _everything_ on Cas, but he really wasn’t ready for sex and Cas understood.

After the chores of washing one another were done Cas pushed Dean gently under the spray and came up behind to make a shower of his own. He peppered Dean’s neck and back with kisses and wrapped his arms around Dean’s chest and stomach. Dean felt that there was no place in the universe Cas would rather be so he just relaxed in his…well in his Cas’s hold and sighed in utter contentment.

After shower came comfy sweats and after sweats came Cas’s cooking.

And holy fuck if Dean thought the shower was good…

 _Damn_ Cas could cook. He made slow roasted pork loin, fresh butter rolls, steamed broccoli (which Dean ate thankyouverymuch) and…

“Oh wow did I say how much I fucking love you?”

Cas’s apple pie.

“I’m not going to make this for you any more, my love, if you insist on gorging yourself.” Cas laughed but he still plated up another piece of pie. “Remind me not to home make the whipped cream next time.”

“Oh damn,” Dean moaned around his fork. He slid the pie between the two of them and Cas snuggled into his lap and ate with vigor. “So, my love?” Cas looked around his fork.

“No?”

“No! I mean yes! Yes I like it!” Dean kissed the spot above Cas’s ear. “I love it. I’ve been wondering all day what we are.”

“Mmm,” Cas ate another bite of pie. “Soulmates?”

“Well, yeah of course we are,” Cas beamed. “But no one really goes around saying this is my soulmate, you don’t really introduce people like that.”

“Well then what do you want to be?”  Dean tightened his arms around the torso sitting in his lap.

“I dunno, boyfriends?” Cas tilted his head.

“I’m hardly a boy, but I like the sound of it. Boyfriends,” he worked the word around his mouth and fork. “Yes I very much like the sound of being your boyfriend.”

“C’mon _boyfriend_ ,” Dean wiggled his legs a bit. “I didn’t show you my favorite part of this house.”

He pulled at Cas’s hand this time and grabbed a pillow and two blankets. He led Cas out to the deck and threw the pillow down on one of the chairs. He slid back and opened his arms and legs and Cas curled in so he could be chest to chest. Dean pulled the blankets over them and they just sighed completely into one another.

“You’re facing the wrong way, baby.” Dean whispered, but he could hardly care when he could card his fingers in Cas’s hair.

“Mm, I don’t think so.” Cas was lazy and his breathing was getting heavier.

“Nope, we’re not falling asleep out here. We, mister, are sleeping in a bed.”

“Mmm-hmm, whatever you say,” Cas drifted and as much as Dean wanted to do this in a bed he fell asleep faster than Cas.

***

“Son of a bitch,” Dean croaked. Dawn was pinking around the lake and the trees had faint outlines of orange around them. Only the top of Cas’s hair poked out of the blankets and a small patch of white frosted the tips from Dean’s breath. He couldn’t feel his nose and his lips were frozen too. “Cas…”

“Mmmph, no.” Dean found his frozen lips warming in a smile. He felt Cas burrow into his chest and the blanket wiggled around his boyfriend’s form.

“Hey, baby we can watch the sun rise.” Dean cooed, a small shake of the head on his chest. “Hey sweetheart we can get coffee,” the blankets shifted with a smaller shake. “Hey, my darling we can kiss…” the blankets shifted and Cas came, beaming, out. He surged forward and kissed Dean happily.

Dean wrapped lazy fingers in Cas’s hair and his other hand snaked up Cas’s shirt and rest on his back. They didn’t use tongue but the warm kisses lingered until they couldn’t remember when their lips were apart.

“That was amazing.”

“Dean, if you claim each of our kisses are amazing you’re going to say amazing way too much.” Cas rested his chin on Dean’s chest and kissed him again.

“You are the most beautiful person I know.” Dean brushed at Cas’s face, a face framed by blankets and the early dawn.

They rose and stretched once the sun was over the tree tops and went in to get coffee.

“I think another shower is in order,” Cas buried his face in Dean’s chest as the man made coffee and found his orange bottle of pills and popped one.

“Yeah, I’m fucking freezing.”

“But,” they both whined when Cas pulled back, “You can’t take that on an empty stomach.” He snatched the bottle out of Dean’s hands. “Yes, it says right here, better to be taken with food.” So they switched positions and Dean shuffled behind Cas with his face in Cas’s hair as the man made oatmeal in one large bowl.

“Wow I’ve never liked oatmeal before, this is really good.”

“When I landed in that town you found me in the only job open was at the diner, then over the years I had to learn and fill in for everyone. I liked being in the kitchen best.”

“I’ll bet, with cooking like that.”

There were more slow, amazing, kisses under the shower as they warmed up. Then grungy jeans were found and Dean said something about going to the home store and picking up more tile.

And Dean felt something that he’d not felt in years.

Motivated.

He wanted to see the ending of this project, he never really thought about finishing the house, he just put the work in. But now, watching Cas study tile like he was taking a test, he felt motivated to finish. He wanted to finish the house for Cas.

“Dean what do you think? This one or this…” Dean snapped to and pointed to the blue tile.

“It brings out your eyes.” The blue that matched the tile rolled and Cas grabbed what he needed. They moved over to hardwood flooring and Dean really liked Cas’s idea of warm, stained maple flooring.

“It reminds me of cinnamon.” Cas smiled already picturing a trip to the furniture store.

“Hey, Dean?” the man stopped and looked back at the fingers tugging at him. “Could we…I mean could you…that is I’ll help,” Dean kissed Cas’s ear. “I like this, for the kitchen.” He pointed at the slate diagonal V tiles.

“That’s what the kitchen needs,” Dean pulled boxes of tiles and felt full of pride at the happy smile on Cas’s face.

***

“Wow someone went shopping,” Sam called when he looked at the fridge. After the home goods store Dean and Cas went to the market and Dean just pushed the cart following Cas all the way. “Guys?” He called. They weren’t in Dean’s bedroom, not that Sam looked, hello he didn’t want to see _that_. But the door was open and the bed looked like Cas had never even touched it.

“Please don’t be having sex, please don’t be having sex,” Sam muttered as he walked down the stairs.

There was no sex, but the activities Sam saw was just as shocking.

Dean was working.

He was finishing something.

His smiles reached his eyes and there was a simple ease to him that Sam hadn’t seen in over a decade.

“Hey,” the two men jumped up and Sam almost didn’t even recognize Cas. The dude was completely calm and whatever fear or stress he had before was gone.

“Sam!” Cas came up and hugged his friend. They chatted for a bit and Dean got bored so he went back to tiling. After a while Cas went up to start dinner and Sam went back to the bathroom and leaned in the door frame.

“So Cas,” Sam couldn’t stop smiling, the man in the bathroom was the brother who picked him up at Stanford all those years ago, the man who tried to brush off getting ghost sickness, who teased him mercilessly.

“Yeah, man, I went for a drive and just looked up and there he was.”

“Did he say why he left?”

“Yeah, um…he…it’s kind of hard to explain, back when I had the Mark he, well I guess he went back in time and changed when he saved me.”

“Changed when he saved you, like how?”

“Well he pulled me from hell and then he, uh, kissed me and told me he loved me. I guess we sort of just got together then and we were married for a long time, but something happened and the Fates sent him back. He it hurt too much to be around me.”

“Didn’t he hear you praying, Dean you prayed to him constantly.”

“He carved his grace out.” Sam looked dumbfounded.

“You can do that?”

“Apparently you can, he took his angel blade and carved it out.” Dean sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He moved back to the tiling and Sam got the message.

“I’m gonna go up and help Cas.”

“Hey, uh, Sam?”

“Yeah?”

“You think Cas might like this in our bathroom?”

“Why don’t you ask him?”

“Nah I wanna surprise him.”

“Ok,” Sam smiled broadly and walked slowly up the stairs. He was met with Cas chopping things and humming tunelessly to himself.

“Hey,” Cas looked up and smiled. “So are there any places I shouldn’t sit because you two had sex all over the place?” Cas laughed lightly, the familiar but rare crinkle around his eye only reserved for Dean.

“No, every surface is fine, we haven’t even shared a bed yet.”

“Wow, really?” Though if Sam thought about it, a topic he tried to not spend too much time on, Dean hadn’t had sex since Sam got back. He was constantly fucking, a reason Sam left, before, but now… “Well I guess you’re taking it slow, I can understand.” Cas tilted his head as he slid the chopped things into a pot.

“I suppose in the ordinary human sense, yes, ‘we are taking it slow’ but it’s more than that. We are far more intimate than any other couple I could compare to. Most humans feel like sex makes them closer but I think Dean and I are far closer than that.”

Sam grinned like a fiend. “So no sex?”

“Oh there will be sex,” Cas matched the grin and Sam blanched.

“Not when I’m here,” he gulped.

“Of course not,” Cas tilted his head.

“You’re lying aren’t you?”

“Of course,” Cas shrugged and they both laughed.

“I supposed that’s as much as I’m going to get.”

“Yes, but we will try and be respectful.” Sam shrugged and started helping Cas with the food. It was as good as he was going to get, and when Dean came up with paint in his hair and a smile on his face Sam knew was good as it was going to get was so much better. Dean looked happy, and not that flimsy happy where he was trying to smile to make himself seem better. Dean was better.

They talked and laughed through dinner beef stew with warm chocolate cake for dinner and the Winchester brothers dubbed Cas as king of the kitchen and that all meal preparations would be done by the former angel. They also agreed that the chef shouldn’t have to do his own dishes, or at least a chef of Cas’s caliber (Dean’s words). Dean also dubbed that he was too tired and that he and Sam would rotate on who would do the dishes and tonight it was Sam’s turn.

“What can I say, Sammy, I’ll do them tomorrow, this was just how the cards fell.” Dean said matter-of-fact.

“How noble of you,” Sam bitch faced, but he knew Dean would keep his word. He started cleaning the kitchen and heard his brother yawn rather theatrically and turned to just catch Dean stretching and resting his arm around Cas’s shoulders.

“Tired?” Cas smirked over at his best friend and Dean nodded hard.

“Yes, I’m _exhausted_ ,” he widened his eyes and Sam just rolled his. “I think we would go up to bed before I fall asleep at the table.” Dean leaned over on Cas’s should and the ex-angel just laughed.

“Well then if you’re that tired we should get you p and tucked in immediately, and then I’ll come down and help Sam with the dishes.”

“Oh no, he’s fine, right Sammy?” Dean called over to his giant brother.

“Well, there are a lot of dishes here, it would be nice if I had some help…” Sam raised his eyebrows and received a bitch face of his own.

“Oh really? Well then I have the strong urge to engage in some gossip…where does Holly live? Or better can I borrow your phone?’ Dean looked overly innocent and Sam decided that this was a battle he was happy to lose.

“Nah, you two look tired, you should go up and sleep Dean. And Cas you cooked a lot tonight, hit the hay early, you earned it.’

“Only if you’re sure…”

“Cas!” Dean turned on his best friend, “He said he was fine, let’s go!” Dean all but dragged Cas upstairs to his, well now their, bedroom. Cas giggled but surged behind his soul mate, and he was lost in his excitement that he didn’t realize Dean had stopped and he bumped into his back.

“Dean…” He rubbed his nose and was surprised when Dean spun around and wrapped Cas up in his arms.

“Sorry,” he whispered in Cas’s neck, “I didn’t mean to stop, but I was just overwhelmed. “You’re _here_ Cas. Here in my arms, you’re here kissing me, you’re here loving me. I’ve dreamed about this for over a decade and now it’s finally here. And I was just overwhelmed.”

“Dean…” Cas closed his eyes in complete contentment when Dean pulled back and rubbed his face softly. “I loved you the very first moment I found you in hell, and I will regret every moment that I left you,’ he was surprised in the car coming back after finding Dean, the ex-hunter had told his best friend just how bad he’d been and Cas had instantly sore his mission would be to heal dean to pure happiness. But now in Dean’s scent and gentle thumb rubbing his chin Cas realized he desperately needed Dean to heal him too.

There was nothing really either could thing to say so Dean just kissed his boyfriend lightly and then moved them to the bathroom,. They did all the going to bed rituals and Dean watched Cas brush his teeth he envisioned the space around Cas He thought of blue tile, those really cool copper skins, or one of those deep carved rectangle sinks for wo faucets… He already planned on adding another sink in for Cas and he had to get the dude some closet space too. It was crazy how just taking in the mint foam on Cas’s lips got Dean thinking about a million different things. He started dreaming of building a sauna, and would Cas like a Jacuzzi? Or maybe he would put a hot tub outside? Dean was getting all kinds of ideas and he couldn’t wait to provide for the love of his life.

“So are we supposed to go to sleep now?” Cas giggled, they both looked at the clock which read 7:03 and Cas laughed harder when Dean nodded and dragged him to the bed.

“Hell yeah we are, I’m not wasting another night not in a bet with you, so we’re taking precautions.” Cas laughed but he couldn’t hardly disagree and he allowed himself to be pulled down into Dean’s chest.

“I adore this house,” Cas whispered and he smiled at Dean’s blush. “what?”

“I made it for you,” Dean whispered, “Or at least the entire time I talked to you I asked for your advice all the time.”

“Did I give good advice?” Cas smirked and Dean kissed him in punishment.

“Shut up.” they both giggled and talked softly for hours.

“Hey,” Dean stopped the conversation and turned Cas so they were spooning. “I want you to watch the sunset.” He murmured in Cas’s ear and they both lay facing the large windows overlooking the lake and watched the sun drop and turn everything from gold to purple to deep blue.

“You could build a small deck out here.” Cas rubbed Dean’s arms and turned back to look at him. “Nothing big, just room for one chair, maybe a small table.”

“Just one chair, baby? Not two?” Dean smirked and kissed the back of Cas’s neck.

“No. We only need just the one, you thing I’m going to sit somewhere else when I can sit on your lap? It’s like you’re asking if I’m going to need another bed.” He yawned.

“Well that’s me told,” Dean smiled and Cas laughed. He turned in his soul mate’s arms and they continued to talk softly.

They ended up not falling asleep at all because neither could fall asleep before they said just one more thing. Cas giggled that he and Dean still hadn’t slept in a bed, to which Dean said the nap the took from three am to seven totally counted.


	2. Providing for You

slid in front of him. Sam patted his back in consolidation, he smiled at the eggs placed in front of him and started thinking through is day. He was glad Dean found Cas for several reasons, one of the biggest (and most selfish) was that he was now free to move in with Holly. They’d talked about it for a long time but Sam hadn’t wanted to leave his brother and Holly had understood.

“I suppose I should get one of those,” Cas mused around his coffee mug.

“What?” Dean looked up, his cheeks were bulging and Sam was having a hard time remembering why he was staying with his brother in the first place.

“A job, don’t speak with your mouth so full you got eggs on the counter.” Cas admonished and Dean rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, Cas you’re gonna take care of him.” Sam laughed and Dean hit him hard.

“So what would you be interested in? Something like you did before?” Dean shot a superior look at his younger brother and Cas tilted his head as he drank his coffee.

“I liked cooking, but I liked baking better, I didn’t mind the diner but I think I’d prefer something with more bakery items than a little bit of everything.”

“Wait, Cas, you like to bake?” Sam perked up, “My boss is thinking about buying the store next to the bookstore and opening the place up...” he looked at Dean a little apprehensively, “He also wants to rent out the apartments above the two stores…to me…”

“Wait, when did this happen?” Dean looked shocked and Sam looked down.

“I didn’t want to bug you or make you worry about me leaving.”

“Leaving…” And Dean relied on his nearly forty years of brotherhood to read Sam perfectly. “Wait, Holly?! You to kid are gonna shack up?!” And Sam didn’t have to say anything, Dean just hugged him and slapped his back.

“So Cas if you wanna start up a bakery in the book store we could come up with a business plan.”

“I would love to, it sounds exactly like what I’d like to do.”

Dean yawned huge over his coffee and tugged at Cas’s hand after that. Cas just chuckled as Dean pulled at his hand and led them upstairs to the shower.

“Do you think it’s a good idea?” Cas worried his lip as they stood under the shower spray.

“What?” Dean sort of, ok he did, fall asleep in the hollow of Cas’s neck as he wrapped his arms around Cas’s waist.

“The job,” Cas worried his way to the shampoo and turned in Dean’s arms so he could shampoo Dean’s hair. “I mean I should be taking care of you, and if I get a job I won’t be there for you when you need me.”

“Cas,” Dean couldn’t speak because Cas was pushing his head under the water to wash the shampoo out. “I’m gonna be fine,” he wiped his face and shampoo out of his eyes. “I’m gonna be more fine if you go out and be kick ass at something you love.”

“But I won’t be here to…” Cas’s voice died when Dean turned him to shampoo his hair.

“Tend to my beck and call? I’m depressed and treating it, I don’t need you constantly there monitoring me.” Dean made a face.

“Not monitoring you,” Cas sighed, “But making sure you have everything you need.”

“You mean like if I’m thirsty you’ll get me water or if I need a tool you will hand it to me?” Dean’s voice sounded incredulous.

“I suppose that sounds…silly.” Cas hummed when Dean tilted his head back and washed the conditioner out. “But this…this is good,” he sighed as hands covered in body wash lathered up his body. “I don’t want to lose this, or cuddling on the couch, or sleeping with you. We both need that.”

“Well yes, I wholeheartedly agree with that, one hundred percent baby. But we can do all that and you can still work.”

“But showers,” Cas sighed again when he was pushed under the spray. “I like doing this,” he turned his head so he could see Dean, “And if I’m expected in a bakery it will be early in the morning and we won’t share a shower.” He turned in time enough to see the smirk on Dean’s face.

“Well, truth?” Dean watched Cas nod, damn that dude was adorable. “I actually don’t shower in the mornings. When I get to work I get all sweaty and greasy that I just need another shower at night.” Dean gave a genuine full laugh when Cas’s eyes got wide like his mouth.

“You dirty cheat!” He smacked Dean’s wet chest. He got the soap and started cleaning his boyfriend. “So this is…”

“A chance to be wet and naked with you,” Dean grinned like a dork and washed off the last of the soap. Cas looked down while Dean was washing his face under the spray, Dean was completely soft. Cas was having a hard time controlling his dick telling it to be patient and not fuck Dean sideways into the shower wall. Was Dean not interested in him in that way? Was he not attracted to Cas? Cas was fine with never having sex with Dean, just smelling the man and holding him and cooking for him would be enough. He just needed to get his dick on board.

Maybe it was the depression…but then Cas was there, he felt terrible that he was the cause of the depression but now he was back…shouldn’t Dean be cured?

“Cas?” Dean bent down a bit and got in Cas’s face to get to his blue eyes. “You ok? You kind of spaced out there…”

“Oh! I was just…” He didn’t want to bring up the depression or anything bad, he was so done with hurting Dean that he would put his personal problems as far away from the man as he could.

“Cas,” Dean turned the water off and grabbed them both towels. They dried off and Dean came over and held Cas’s body to his in a long hug. When the ex-hunter pulled back he had a hard look in his eyes which Cas tried to look innocent to.

“Cas will you promise me something?” Dean had gone into the walk in closet and Cas had followed, they had put his bag of clothes there and promptly forgotten in the joy of being back together. Dean was exuding dark clouds and Cas was depressed. Of course he’d caused this bad spiral he was a piece of shit always messing Dean up.

“Of course,” he answered instantly.

“Will you…will you tell me shit? Like if you have a bad day or you’re pissed because I didn’t do the dishes, or you really want chicken when I want steak? Will you tell me all that shit?”

“Dean….I,” Cas closed his mouth. “I don’t want to burden you,” he finally finished. He figured Dean would be grateful and smile and hug him. Instead it looked like fifty pounds were heaved on each of Dean’s shoulders and his eyes went from a bright green to a dull grey.

“Oh, ok.” Dean was hardly surprised, he broke everything. He was the one who ran Cas away in the first place. Cas probably was willing to tell all his problems to the other Dean and now he just didn’t trust this new, now Dean. “I was just hoping…”

“No, Dean…” Cas held a shirt uselessly as if it would help them through whatever this was. “No, what I meant…I mean…I don’t want to add to your…”

“It’s ok to say depression, Cas,” Dean held no malice.

“I don’t want to upset you if I’m feeling upset or angry.” Cas wrung the tee-shirt and wrinkled it badly. “You are amazing, and the love of my life, and my soul mate, why would I ever want to cause you pain?” Dean looked confused. “Dean if you came to me and told me you were sad or angry or in pain, that would cause me pain because I love you.” Cas nearly ripped the shirt he was so frustrated. “I _love_ you, Dean Winchester and if you tell me I did something to cause you pain I would hate myself, and that’s why I won’t share when I feel…”

“Cas,” Dean’s eyes said he finally understood. “Baby,” he came up and held the skin just above Cas’s toweled hips. “You not telling me shit, even if it’s shit I caused, that’s going to be the worst for me. Because then that tells me you don’t trust me—”

“I trust you with my—”

“No not really,” Dean talked over the wide mouth. “Because if you really trusted me you would tell me whenever you’re feeling bad, you would trust that I would love you enough to be ok with you whenever you’re in a bad mood.”

“But Dean…”

“No, Cas, I know you’re tearing yourself apart about my depression, and that’s ok. But you can’t stop telling me things just in case it might aggravate me. I’m gonna be so much worse off if you think you have to hide shit from me.” He pulled Cas in for a hug, “I’m not made of glass, baby, I won’t break at every little thing.” He felt Cas nod and he sighed. “You want to talk about what you were thinking in the shower?”

“Can we…tonight? I’m not trying to hide from you, I just need to figure out how I feel…” Dean nodded.

“Ok I can respect that, I just want you to know you don’t have to hide from me. I need to take care of you just as much as you need to take care of me.” Cas nodded slowly, that he totally understood, which was why his earlier thoughts made him feel like absolute shit.

“I’m not gonna push, but stop thinking you’re shit,” Dean smiled and kissed the edged of Cas’s surprised mouth. “Of course I can read your face, I’m like totally obsessed with it,” he started pressing soft kisses all over Cas’s face. “It’s so fucking gorgeous, and cute, and it’s just _home_ for me, man,” Dean ran a hand through his hair and moved away to cover his blush, “I know that sounds sappy as shit, but you’re my home, Cas, so you gotta trust me when I say I won’t break when you share your bad parts with me.” Cas nodded silently and Dean smiled softly and they both got dressed. Before Dean could leave the closet Cas pulled him back tentatively, he was shy as he placed a kiss on Dean’s cheek.

“Thank you for being so patient with me,” he whispered and Dean grinned.

“No problem, baby,” they walked downstairs hand in hand. “You wanna come to town with me or do you want to stay here?” Before Cas could answer Sam came up with a grin on his face.

“My boss would really like to try you out,” he waved his phone. “He was wondering if you could put together a tasting menu so he could try out your stuff.” Cas grinned bashfully and Dean thought he’d never seen a more beautiful face in all the world.

“I can do that,” Cas’s voice was a bit shy, “When would he like to taste everything?”

“Is this afternoon too soon? He’s usually open in the afternoons so any time this week would work, I can text him.”

“Today would be fine, thank you Sam,” Cas nodded and Dean kissed him with a beam.

“You’re gonna be awesome, do you have everything here?” They all trouped to the kitchen and Cas declared he needed more flour and several other ingredients. Dean was all on board to stay but Cas and Sam both pushed him out the door to work.

“I’ll take care of your _lovah_ ,” Sam grinned and made sloppy kissing noises. Dean flipped him the bird, gave Cas a nice long kiss, and then left for work.

“Ok, Cas, I can take you to the market and back and then I’ll go to work and bring my boss back here, is three too early?” Cas shook his head, already in deep menu planning mode.

The day went fast for Cas and Sam, Cas baked like a fiend, he wanted to do sample pies, turnovers, muffins, cookies, and a few fancier items he’d learned in a cookbook. Sam’s day went by normally because he had nothing to miss.

Dean’s day went by at a snail’s pace because he did have something to miss.

Or rather someone.

Rather a six foot someone who was currently getting covered in flour and being adorable and gorgeous and warm and not in Dean’s arms. Dean felt an ache for Cas, it had been seven years since he’d seen the man and he wanted him so bad. The two days off Dean had with the ex-angel weren’t nearly enough to allow for Dean to be ok with going to work. He knew he would be fine soon, soon he would be ok with spending the day at the garage, leaving in the morning with a kiss and looking forward to a returning kiss when he came home.

But right now Cas was just so _new_ and he was in love with Dean and they were boyfriends and soulmates and it was just too new that Dean was having some serious separation issues.

Not to say anything about the conversation promised from Cas.

Dean wondered what it might be, he had an idea and he prayed Cas would be patient with him. He was moving as quickly as he could, pushing himself to be happier, to cure his depression, but he knew he was still going to have dark feelings. Knowing Cas was staying with him and going to be in his arms all the damn time possible was hurtling Dean towards his cure, but he wasn’t there yet and he prayed Cas would be patient with him.

When it was finally, _finally_ five Dean rushed at the bathroom to wash his hands and then he was behind baby’s wheel. He had reminded himself about a million times today that he needed to get Cas a phone so they could text, he did send a text off to Sam demanding to know how it went but Sam had never responded.

There was laughter and a few extra voices in the kitchen when Dean entered. Cas smiled and set his glass down and went up and kissed Dean in greeting and then dragged him into the room. The bar and also far dining table were covered in any kind of bakery item Dean had seen and a lot that he hadn’t. He grinned at the mini pies and Cas handed him a small apple pie.

Around the bar were Sam and Holly and Sam’s boss Richard. The man was in his sixties and was everyone’s grandfather. He wore knitted vests and bowties and he was a favorite of Dean’s.

“Hey Rick, how’s it going?” he shook the man’s hand before smiling at Holly. Dean really liked Holly, she was slim, dark haired, and a whole lot smarter than Sam. She was funny and caring, she was a kindergarten teacher and Dean’s gut felt warm when he thought about the normal, apple pie life Sam and Holly were destined for. They were still young enough for kids and Dean’s eyes got sappy when he thought of a niece or nephew, maybe even more than one.

“It’s good Dean, cars still running?” they laughed and joked but it was clear that there was an unspoken agreement that when Dean got home the party would break up. Sam said he was going to Holly’s, and the three of them left all together.

The two left in the kitchen didn’t need words, Dean just turned to Cas who beamed at him and they just fell into one another.

“I’m so proud of you, baby,” Dean whispered as he rubbed his hands through brown hair. He felt the lips on his neck smile and kiss and they pulled back just enough to kiss properly. So far their kisses had been closed mouthed and short. This kiss _lingered_. Cas gently held Dean’s head steady and started to kiss deeper and deeper. He swiped his tongue over Dean’s lips asking, _begging,_ entrance and Dean sighed. He opened his mouth knowing that his best friend had him, Cas was going to take care of him in every way.

Cas forced his tongue and body to quiet. His every nerve was on high alert with excitement and inexpressible joy that Dean was kissing him. Really and truly kissing. There was no half assing this kiss, this was what kissing was meant to be. Dean wrapped his arms around Cas’s back and just hugged his best friend while Cas wrapped one arm around Dean’s neck, cradling the ex-hunter’s head in the crook of his elbow and the other was free to massage all over Dean’s back.

They breathed into the kiss, their bodies long ago flushing up to one another so that would could press hard into the other.

And Dean was a happy duck. He was content to kiss and suck on Cas’s tongue and keep the warm blanket of Cas’s body on him. He was happy and fully content.

Cas, however, was fighting a battle. His skin screamed for Dean, for Dean naked and sweating on it, his soul longed for Dean open and trusting in a bed while Cas pushed himself inside. His body longed to get Dean to open up and for them to make love for days. But Cas’s mind knew Dean wasn’t ready for sex. A minute shift told Cas that right now Dean’s body wasn’t on sex either. Cas sure as hell was, it wasn’t just his cock that was aching for this man, but he had to force himself away.

“Hey,” Dean pulled back with several short kisses, “Baby, you kind of froze up again.”

“S-sorry,” Cas felt himself start to tremble as Dean ran his fingers and hands and body all over Cas’s. The tiny shifts of Dean’s hips against his were enough to get him to whimper and shake and he hated himself for it.

“Hey,” Dean was gentle and he stroked Cas’s face. “Hey, it’s ok,” he gently kissed Cas and didn’t move when Cas pulled away.

“I…I can’t.” Cas screwed his eyes shut, refusing to allow any of his senses a chance to indulge in Dean. “I know you don’t want sex, but I can’t help my body, so please let me just go and…” he felt his cheeks turn into fire. “Please let me leave, you won’t have to do anything with it, I’ll take care of it.” He opened his eyes a peek and Dean was watching him impassively. “I’ll,” he swallowed, “I’ll just go to the, um, bathroom, and take care of…” he started to rush out but Dean caught him.

Wordlessly Dean held Cas in place with one hand while the other opened Cas’s pants.

“No! Dean, no, you don’t have to do this! Just have a pie and I’ll go to the bathroom and be back in—ohhhh,” he broke off when Dean’s hand wrapped around his base and started stroking slowly. He gripped Dean’s shoulder as hard as he could and could feel himself start to float away. “Dean,” this time it wasn’t a plead to stop but a broken beg to continue.

“Ohhhh,” Cas’s head tilted back and Dean watched in fascination. Sure there was nothing going on in his pants, and he wasn’t really feeling anything akin to that head fogging lust right now, but he was loving this. He loved that he was the one giving Cas pleasure, that he was the one who was making his boyfriend’s head tilt back, he was the one who was making it hard for Cas to swallow.

He sped his hand up a bit and Cas gripped his shoulder so hard Dean would be surprised if there weren’t bruises. He pressed his thumb on Cas’s head and the man shuddered all over.

“Dean, so,” Cas licked his parched lips, “So good,” he licked his lips again and tried, and failed, to swallow. Dean thought this was the perfect time to return to the perfect kiss.

He slipped his tongue in and Cas sighed around his mouth and wrapped Dean up in his muscly arms. Dean could feel the love in everything that was touching Cas. Not just the sexy sexy bits but his chest and the way he panted into Dean’s mouth. And the sexy sexy bit in Dean’s hand was awesome too, but the man wasn’t going to spend much time thinking on it because he knew it would only frustrate him more that he wasn’t able to reciprocate the feeling.

He continued to jack Cas off, moving a bit faster and he grinned on the kiss when he felt the tongue in his mouth start to tremble. Dean wouldn’t let Cas pull away from the kiss to warn of any impending orgasm, he was just going to have to surprise them.

And surprise he did when he have a huge shudder and then his entire body froze clinging to Dean in every way that he could. Dean felt a hot liquid fill his hand and he pulled more to continue Cas’s high.

When they finally slowed and Dean pulled away Cas had a blissed out, happy puddle look on his face, and he grinned at Dean benignly.

Dean went and washed his hands hoping Cas wouldn’t take offence, but what was the dude expecting him to do, lick it? Dean might be up for that when their sexy times started up (if they ever did), but right now all his brain could think about was that this was jizz and he didn’t really want any in his mouth. So he washed his hands and Cas continued to smile that blissed out smile at him.

“C’mon let’s shower.” Dean wrapped an arm around Cas’s shoulders and the man nodded. Dean was pretty sure he would be able to get Cas to do anything right now, the man was so bonelessly blissed that he would just continue to nod.

Cas woke a bit under the spray but only enough to wash Dean off, and the man tried not to pay attention how the ex-angel’s hands lingered on Dean’s groin as if Cas were trying to pay back the amazing hand job. Dean gently pushed his hands away and Cas looked up slightly alarmed.

“Babe let’s go eat.” Cas just nodded. By the end of the shower Cas was more in his right mind and was looking slightly guilty.

“Ok how about you clean up your buffet here and I’ll make us some dinner?” Dean kissed Cas’s nose as the man nodded, he was looking more and more downhearted and the blissed out Cas was pretty much gone.

By the time Dean had dinner on the table happy Cas was a mere memory and depressed Cas had come to stay.

“Ok, we’re gonna sit and talk and I’m gonna go first.” Dean put a large spoonful of mashed potatoes on Cas’s plate with his pork chop and green beans. “And we’re not gonna lie or hide anything even if we don’t want to tell the truth, ok?” He searched out Cas’s eyes and the man nodded. “Ok, I’ll go first. That hand job was incredible. I felt so good giving that to you and I think we’re a whole lot closer because of it,” Dean played with his mashed potatoes. He could see Cas looking up in his peripheral but he didn’t want to meet Cas’ s eyes. “But I’m feeling guilty that I can’t…” he gestured down to himself, “You know, perform, I have a feeling I’ll want to, but right now I can’t…” he swallowed and looked up, biting his lip. Cas stayed quiet, “Come on you’re not gonna leave me hanging here, are you?” Cas’s smile just twitched his lips.

“I am sorry that I pushed you into that, I shouldn’t have kissed you.”

“Dude, did you not just hear me? I _loved_ that hand job, the way your eyes rolled back,” Dean grinned that was going to be a forever memory. “I don’t regret that, what I regret is that I can’t…do the same with you…”

“I don’t want you to!” Cas grabbed Dean’s hands, “I don’t need you to have sex, or get hard, just knowing that you’re happy is enough for me,” Dean gave him a look.

“You can’t feel like that,” Cas set his lips firm. “You can’t believe that totally, Cas, or else you wouldn’t have gotten hard. Cas it’s ok that you feel that way toward me,” Dean looked earnestly, begging Cas to tell the truth.

“I want to have sex with you, I want to make love to you for hours, I want to push into you and feel you clench around me, I want to ride you into a bed, I want to bend over this counter right now and feel you inside me.” He finished in a breath and looked up, terrified, at Dean. But Dean looked like the world had been lifted from his shoulders and that every fear was gone.

“Thank you,” he breathed.

“You’re thanking me? When just a moment ago you said you can’t have sex and I say all I want is sex?!”

“Is that all you want?” dean tilted his head over in a great impression of his boyfriend. “Like all you want from me is sex?”

“No! I want to bake for you, and paint the basement, and then fill it with couches or a movie theater like you were thinking. I want to sit in an outdoor hot tub with you, I want to lay in bed and talk to you until one in the morning, I want to—” Dean stopped him with a kiss.

“Ok,” he whispered into Cas’s lips. “Ok we’ll figure it out.”

“But,” Cas was frustrated, “Aren’t you mad at me that I want sex?” Dean shook his head instantly.

“Not in the slightest. I would be a bit insulted if you didn’t,” he kissed Cas again just because he could. “I don’t think I have to ask you if you are mad at me that I can’t…” this time he was shut up with a kiss.

“Don’t be an idiot.” Cas whispered. “But…will you…”

“One day?” Dean asked and Cas nodded. “Hell yeah, Cas, just be patient with me, I know I’m asking a lot, but if you can just wait for me a bit longer and…yeah…I can see us having some fun.”

They didn’t talk much after that just reveling in the comfortable silence and the warm food. Cas brought out a few of the mini pies and Dean groaned.

“Have I told you just how much I love you?” Dean rubbed his belly and Cas hummed.

“No, I don’t think so, you should remind me.” Dean grinned and swept Cas up in his arms and then dipped them back for a kiss.

“I love you.” He murmured into Cas’s lips. “So very much Cas. I love you to the end of the world and back.” Cas grinned shyly and they moved to clean everything up.

“I would, you know, wait.” Cas happily accepted the mug of hot chocolate as Dean slid into his chest under the blanket. They settled on the chair on the back deck and pulled the blankets up close. “I would wait until the end of time for you,” Cas murmured and kissed Dean’s scalp.

“Ok, up mister,” Dean pulled Cas’s heavy arms. They’d been lying in silence just watching the stars and rubbing absently at whatever body part their hands came in contact with. “We are sleeping in a bed.” Dean was firm and he pulled a lazy Cas up into the house and up the stairs.

Cas barely got through brushing his teeth before his eyes were drooping again and Dean chuckled at his best friend. They got into bed and that was when the snuggle monster attacked. Cas was all arms and legs intent only on getting wrapped around Dean as much as possible. Dean just chuckled again and rode the ride until Cas was satisfied that they were where they should be. With a gigantic sigh almost as large as himself Cas burrowed his face in and was instantly asleep.

***

Dean grunted at the alarm clock. It wasn’t the usual grunt of _why the hell am I awake_ or _what dares disturb my slumber_ but more of the _holy crap that was a good sleep I am ready for the day_. it probably had something to do with Mr. Cuddles who was currently drooling into the hollow of Dean’s neck.

“Cas,” Dean knew there was no way he was going to be able to get up without Cas relinquishing him and he also needed to know what the next step of the bakery was going to be. Did Cas need Dean to drop him off in town? Was Cas just going to bake from home and then drop everything off at the store?

“Cas,” Dean sing-songed.

“No.” It was gruff, gravely, and it reminded Dean of every pissfest he had to endure with Sammy and Bobby. Instead of letting him go Cas only gripped tighter and it was all so snuggly and happy and homey and warm that Dean started laughing. He laughed because Cas was adorably _not_ a morning person. He laughed because the arm on his stomach was heavy. He laughed because he could feel Cas getting annoyed that Dean dared to disturb his slumber.

“Dean I will never kiss you again if you continue to keep me awake.” Cas growled and Dean just couldn’t stop giggling. It got worse when Cas popped up from the blankets and looked like a pissed off rumpled teddy bear with a bird’s nest for hair.

“I hate you, you know.”

“You’re gonna hate me even more if you don’t let me go,” Dean giggled. Cas growled and held on tighter. “Dude I’m gonna piss all over you and the bed if you don’t let me go.” Cas groaned and rolled away.

When he returned Dean grinned at the sleeping form on the bed. Cas had wrapped himself around Dean’s pillow, the blankets had pooled around his legs and his body looked like a work of art. He was wearing Dean’s boxers and a shirt, the grey fabric was rucked up and Dean saw a smooth line of back and stomach. He rubbed Cas’s hairy leg and smiled when Cas swallowed and blinked.

“Dean get back here.”

“No, I can’t baby, I gotta go bring the bread and bacon.” Cas made a face and Dean giggled.

“Dean we have bread and bacon, get back into bed.”

“I have to go to work,” Dean continued to rub Cas’s leg just content in the happy picture of the bed. “How about this, today is Friday, I have to work today and tomorrow and then Sunday and Monday off. We can stay up late and sleep in and cuddle and we’ll leave the bed only when we have to piss or eat and as soon as that’s done we’ll return to bed.” Cas rolled over with a happy smile on his face. “That sound good?”

“Mmm, very good.” Dean got up and dressed and moved down to the kitchen. He jumped slightly when arms came around his waist as he was making coffee.

“Hey you didn’t have to get up, you can go back to bed.” He turned his face to the side to get a sleepy kiss.

“I want to spend time with you,” Cas kissed Dean’s lower lip, “And make you breakfast.” He moved to the fridge and pulled out a chocolate croissant that he had made yesterday. He warmed it and handed it over to Dean. Dean hummed in thanks and drank his coffee and ate his breakfast.

“This is good baby, you should go in business.” His kiss tasted like chocolate and coffee and Cas felt a warm bubble in his chest. “You want a ride to town?” Cas nodded.

“I want to see Sam’s store and Rick said that we could start looking at the storefront for the bakery. He wants me to help panning.” Cas looked bashfully proud and Dean just felt his heart swell.

“That’s amazing babe.” He kissed the side of Cas’s head and pushed him to the bedroom. “Go get dressed, I’m gonna finish eating and then we’ll hit the road.”

***

The store was as bare as could be and Cas looked around with Sam and Rick thinking of what he wanted. He didn’t think that Rick would be so open to hearing his opinion but the man just nodded and helped Cas figure it out.

They planned to knock out the wall between the two stores to have a wide archway between the bookstore and café. Cas suggested moving the heavy bookshelf that was in the way of the wall into the café to bring the two together.

“Cas,” Rick stopped himself, Cas noticed that behind his absent mind there were thousands of thoughts going behind and the older man constantly interrupted himself with a new thought. “Cas…that’s an unusual name, where does it come from I wonder…”

“Oh, I…my full name is Castiel.”

“Ah! After the angel of course, Cassiel or Speed of God, watcher of humans and Angel of Thursday,” Cas looked down. The older man read the expression perfectly and came softly over to comfort the fallen angel

“Yes,” Cas said softly. He looked up when a gentle hand was on his shoulder.

“I won’t ask you, but Sam has told me a little…a ghost inhabited here, Sam came and took care of it, I gave him a job right then. He started telling me about things.” Rick just squeezed Cas’s shoulder and they went back to planning.

***

It took three weeks but finally they were ready to unveil. Dean had come over all the time to help install ovens, warmers, anything where his mechanical brain and muscles were needed. He got in paint fights with Sam, extra-long kisses with Cas to get back at Sam, and long winded discussions on the evolution of tortoises with Rick (giving Dean even further proof that Sam found a long lost relative of Bobby’s). But after three weeks it was finally done.

“Do you want me to take the day off? I can take the day off,” Dean promised but Cas just smiled.

“I think I can handle it,” Cas kissed Dean’s forehead. They both knew Cas was nervous, so Dean just let Cas choose all his favorite things that night. And that meant being in the hot tub.

They talked about everything that wasn’t the bakery and Cas’s nerves. Dean sidled himself up and straddled Cas’s lap so they could be just a bit closer together. Dean was going to get Cas to forget his fears, even just for a little bit.

The bubbles surged around them and Cas had that beginning of contentment look on his face and so Dean decided to put his plan into action.

“I was thinking about a sauna over here,” he said as his hand slipped under water and slid along Cas’s side. The hot tub was actually about a football field away from the house, it was Cas’s idea to put it a bit farther away since Dean owned the land, and it was Dean’s idea to carve out a romantic pathway to get to their little outdoor spa. Dean had built a deck around the hot tub, there were two lounge chairs, a small table, and a gorgeous view of the lake. 

“That sounds lovely,” Cas hummed. He downright purred when Dean leaned in and kissed his neck.

“Is there anything you would want out here?” Dean worked over Cas’s neck, being sure not to leave a mark that would only stress Cas out more that he would be going into work with a hicky.

“I, mmm, how about an outdoor shower? And maybe, right there," he whispered when Dean found his pulse point, "Maybe a grill? Not the big one you have behind the house but just one of those little ones, I’d like to sit here with you and smell grilling.”

“How about a fire pit?” Dean said between licking Cas’s neck.

“Ohhh Dean, that sounds fantastic,” Cas tilted his head back and gave himself over to the lazy kisses and warm breath. “We can have s’mores.” Cas grinned. Dean nodded and moved back to start kissing with even more of a purpose. He kissed up and down Cas’s neck and shoulders, the water moving around them. Dean knew that Cas loved his kisses, but what Cas loved even more was talking about the house and the future, Dean learned in the past few weeks that Cas still desperately needed to know he belonged, so Dean dragged him into all kinds of planning and scheming for the house. Dean was already planning on redoing their bedroom shower, when he and Sam had first built this house it was on the wild hope (of Sam’s) that they would marry and settle down with their families. After talking Dean and Cas both decided that they were content just the two of them so really did they need five bedrooms?

So the new plan was to knock out the wall between their room and the bedroom next to them to create a large master suite with a gigantic bathroom.

And Cas was really getting off helping Dean plan it all.

He was also getting off on the extra lazy kisses peppering his face.

“Dean,” Cas murmured and Dean turned just a bit so that their lips could meet. Cas’s hands came up and held Dean’s biceps almost in fear that the man would disappear now that their tongues were touching. Tendrils of steam curled around them and Dean slid forward even more pulling them over to the lounge seat on the other side of the hot tub.

He settled Cas down and straddled him again and Cas lay his head back on the plastic pillow and sighed. Dean started testing his hips down and Cas grunted and placed his hands on Dean’s hips.

They had gotten used to Dean’s total lack of arousal and Cas’s total not lack of arousal. They both knew Dean’s was taking a nap and that nothing made the ex-hunter happier than when he could take care of Cas’s arousal.

And now Cas’s arousal was aching hard and curving up between them. Dean moved a hand between Cas’s legs and adjusted a jet so bubbles curled around Cas’s balls and the man cried out.

“Dean!”

“Yeah baby, I got you,” Dean nuzzled Cas’s face and started moving his hips with greater power and his kisses were less lazy and more fiery. Dean could feel his gut was stirring something very old and very familiar and very long forgotten. He knew it wasn’t going to lead to Dean Jr. waking up but it was a good sign.

“Cas,” he gasped between kissed, they were both sweaty from the rough grinding and Cas’s lusty eyes met Dean’s. “Cas I can feel, in my gut,” Dean didn’t need to explain more, a look of pure bliss shattered across Cas’s face and then his head and eyes rolled back as he came hard.

Dean let himself get pulled into Cas’s chest as his boyfriend wrapped blissed out arms around his back. Dean did turn in Cas’s arms just so it would be more comfortable than being on his old knees (he was coming up on his forty third birthday).

“What did you feel?” Cas rubbed Dean’s arms and they both felt so at home.

“Just warm, right in my gut,” Dean swiveled in Cas’s arms just for a kiss.

“That’s good.” Cas beamed and groaned after a good stretch.

“Don’t get too sleepy,” Dean warned. They got out of the hot tub and started drying off. “Massage time when we get back, mister.” Cas looked like a giddy five year old.

“I know you’re trying to keep my mind off tomorrow, but I can’t help but feel very excited.” They both laughed, “And a sauna out here will be very good, my love,” Cas made a face, “Because I want to come out here when it’s snowing and I dislike the idea of cold towels and robes.”

“I second that,” Dean shivered slightly as he pulled on a freezing robe.

They all but ran back to the house, Dean reminded himself yet again he needed to get some solar lights to show the path because it was ass dark out here. They found their way, all right, but some lights would be nice.

“Me first, me first, me first,” Cas yanked Dean up the stairs and into their room. He yanked Dean’s robe off and pushed the man into the bed. Reaching to the nightstand he pulled out some lotion that Dean the manly man wouldn’t admit came from Victoria’s Secret, and also wouldn’t admit that he loved the smell of. Cas pushed Dean to his back and straddled his thighs while working his hands and the lotion all over Dean’s back.

They exchanged massages until they were both naked puddles of goo and curled together in the dark bedroom. Dean had been waking Cas up earlier and earlier to get him ready for the bakery time, but Dean had a feeling that tomorrow Cas wouldn’t be so grumpy. So he set the alarm for ten minutes earlier because he had a feeling he would need to ease his boyfriend just a bit more.

Turns out he was right.

Cas woke before the alarm and then accidentally woke Dean with all his tossing and turning. To help settle him Dean gave him a hand job and Cas sighed in happiness just as the alarm went off.

“You are going to be incredible.” Dean murmured as he kissed Cas one more time and handed him his tumbler of coffee. Cas kissed his soulmate one more time and turned at the door.

“I know last night was about stopping my nervousness, my love, but I greatly enjoyed it, perhaps I can be nervous again tonight?” Dean laughed and smacked Cas’s ass to get him out the door.

“Sure, or we can celebrate you being a roaring success,” he grinned and pushed Cas out the door. Dean’s boss had found an old car for Cas and after Dean was done fixing it up he put a huge red bow on it and brought it to the bookstore. Cas still didn’t want to take the bow off.

***

“Dean!” Cas waved like mad just in case Dean couldn’t tell it was him behind the counter of his bakery. The line of costumers laughed indulgently and Cas had enough sense to reign in his enthusiasm and he helped everyone.

“You came,” Cas beamed and kissed Dean hard. “I’m surprised.”

“Why? This is all you, and I wanted to be your first costumer,” Dean looked around at the filled tables and grinned, “So much for showering and shaving and looking good for you, I should have just rolled out of bed and waited at the door.” Yeah Dean had been here the day before but the place full of people and amazing smells just looked so much better. Cas had chosen a light blue for the walls and books were everywhere along with café tables and a large chalkboard behind the counter where Cas had the specials written in a very careful hand. Last week Rick had brought in an espresso and latte maker and Cas accidentally got a sugar high mixing and trying out different drinks.

“They were all here when I opened,” Cas’s eyes were still shocked, he figured that he would be open for hours before someone stumbled through the doors.

“Well everyone loves Sam’s bookstore and we put up signs around town.” Cas looked at his palms a stupidly happy grin coming across his face. They both stopped for a moment, an ex-hunter and ex-angel, there was so much history of death and blood and hurt in their lives and now it felt like they were truly moving on.

“I got you this,” Dean pulled out a wrapped package. “I had to order it online,” Cas opened the present and his eyes got huge when he saw it was a book of recipes. “I figure you might like…” Dean blushed and Cas pulled him into a joy filled, love encrusted kiss. The book had everything from French pastries to wedding cakes and Dean knew their kitchen would soon be turned into a test zone.

“I love you,” Cas murmured and Dean just beamed. “I’ll see you at home?” Cas cocked his head he was to get off at one, which would be good the three thirty start this morning was beginning to drag.

“Only if you get me,” Dean started to look at the menu but before he could make a decision a small box with a mini pecan pie and a hazelnut coffee slid in front of him. Cas grinned and Dean just rolled his eyes. “Am I that predictable?”

“Mm,” Cas titled his head and Dean smacked him. “No, I’ve just made it my life’s work to memorize everything about you.” Cas giggled and Dean had to laugh.

“Right back at you,” he sipped the coffee and tried not to groan too loud. “Baby this is incredible.” Cas smiled shyly and Dean kissed his nose. “Ok I gotta go to work, love you.” They shared a quick kiss.

“Love you,” Cas smiled and moved to help the next costumer, Dean gave a wave to Sam through the wide opening and went out the door.

Dean went to work as usual, though his belly felt warmer with the breakfast from Cas, and he expected it to be a normal day. What he hadn’t expected was his fellow mechanics (there being five total working at the small shop) and his boss all berating him for not bringing them stuff from Cas’s.

“We all skipped breakfast, man!” Dean just laughed and promised tomorrow to bring in treats.

The next few months were better than heaven. Dean had been to heaven and while he hoped to get there someday with Cas, he knew their shared heaven was going to be this. The bakery, simply known as Castiel’s, was a huge hit. Everyone made it their go to breakfast stop and Cas was having the time of his life. Dean stopped by every day and got some kind of pastry and hazelnut coffee along with a bag or box of goodies for his coworkers.  Cas closed the shop at one every day and went home for a nap so he could start supper when Dean came home. The bakery was closed Sunday’s and Monday’s just happening to coincide with Dean’s days off.

On their time off Cas and Dean worked on the house, soon they had an outdoor spa not only adding a fire pit, outdoor shower, sauna, but also a hot stone massage kit, and a small tub heated by the fire for foot soaks. Dean had been a bit apprehensive at first, but then Cas reminded him of all the times they’d been bloodied and beaten and by damn they deserved some luxury.

Dean planned to get some time off so he could finally start working on their bedroom. Sam had moved out three months ago and a month after that had eloped with Holly. They moved into the large double apartment over the bakery and bookstore and Dean just had a gut feeling they were trying for a baby.

So life was seriously good.

What else was seriously good was waking up this morning with a woodie. On bakery days Dean woke with Cas, gave him a stumbling kiss out the door and then went back to bed until his alarm went off. Today apparently Dean’s long missed sexuality was finally making a show. He’d talked to his doctor and only a week ago had stopped taking his depression meds on a trial basis.

“Well, are you gonna go away?” Dean looked at his tented boxers and apparently, no, Woodie was here to stay. So he swiped at himself a few times, and while the orgasm was lackluster and he was far too aware of a missing Cas, Dean felt elated. Now they could finally have sex.

And that thought scared him a bit. Not enough to get him to back away, but he was nervous. What if he was no good? But he wasn’t going to think about that, if he didn’t get a move on he was going to be late to the café then late to work then his whole day will be off.

“Hey baby,” Dean kissed Cas in greeting.

“Hey, my love,” Cas moved to pick out a mini raspberry cake, this dude seriously had a thing for minis, Dean thought. Cas was a hit with his mini pies, but it was his mini cakes that made him famous. After a week of mini tiered cakes Cas was asked to do his first wedding cake and it was all uphill from there. The local grocery store had lost practically all their business as Cas was making everything from retirement cakes to birthdays to weddings to baby showers. He was the go to bakery caterer.

“So I have to work late after the store closes,” Cas slid Dean’s coffee and cake over along with a bag of warm white chocolate and chai scones for the mechanics. “I have to make three dozen sweet sixteen cupcakes and drop them off at the party.”

“Ok,” Dean bit into his cake and Cas just huffed a laugh when he got frosting all over his face. “What time will you be home?” Dean’s mouth was stuffed and Cas had to clean his face off.

“Manners,” but Cas just grinned, “I don’t know, around seven? I’m going to look forward to sleeping in tomorrow.” Today was Saturday and Cas had done three birthdays and five office parties and he was pooped.

“Me too,” Dean had his cake finished and he looked over at the glass case and Cas just rolled his eyes. “So I wanted…” Dean was all ready to tell Cas about his morning visitor, the past few weeks when they’d made out or Dean got Cas off with his hand (and most recently mouth) Dean had had stirrings, his cock had gotten hard but never long enough for them to actually do anything with it.

But of course before he could share that he was actually up for sex the mother of the sweet sixteen Cas was baking for tonight came in with changes she wanted on the cupcakes. Cas slid an apple turnover to Dean and mouthed a _goodbye_ and _love you_ before she was on him.

Dean waved at Sammy and then went off to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok hello! So this turned out to be a bit longer than I'd anticipated so there will be one more chapter after this. 
> 
> I don't know all that much about depression so I did some research and it seems you can go off your medication. If I got that wrong I really apologize and please message me about how I can write better. 
> 
> Love you all!


	3. Chapter 3

Dean had thought about it all day. After dropping off the coffee and scones to his coworkers, a group of grown-ass men who all but _squealed_ when Dean came to work carrying a box or bag with Cas’s logo on it, he decided everything. He was going to have sex with Cas. Tonight. He was going to pamper the hell out of the dude and he was going to finally make love with his soul mate.

Now he just needed to get his damn nerves down.

To distract himself he thought through and made a list of everything he would need. Dinner was going to be grilling but Dean needed to make the marinade, then fry veggies, and then make some kind of dessert. Cas usually brought them home some leftover from the bakery but Dean had begged Sam to ask for all the unsold pastries. Tonight was going to be all about pampering the hell out of his boyfriend.

So he made a trip to the store. While he worked through this his nerves were kept at bay and even while he was cooking he felt oddly calm.

At seven the plates were set, the candles lit, the food ready, and a stumbling Castiel through the door.

“I’m sorry, but this mother I swear to you Dean…” but his rant stopped when he took in the whole house. Just to be even more of a set designer on _The Bachelor_ (it was _one_ time they watched it, and Dean insisted it was Cas who chose the channel) Dean had laid flowers and rose petals everywhere are there was a line of petals and candles out to the deck. Cas followed it tentatively and found the love of his life on the porch with roses and hundreds of candles.

It was cold outside but Dean had enough fire from the candles that neither felt cold, well even without the candles they weren’t going to feel cold because Cas didn’t even let his man set the flowers down because the bouquet was flying and Dean was in Cas’s arms and it felt like home.

“I love you,” Cas beamed and kissed all the skin his cold lips could find.

“I love you,” Dean affirmed and he pulled back, the little whine in the back of Cas’s throat making his nerves feel better.  “I want sex.” he breathed and he watched Cas’s face intently. “I want you to bring me upstairs and make love to me, and I know that sounds girly as shit and not macho at all but that’s what I want.”

“Dean,” Cas melted and kissed hard as he held his boyfriend tighter. “Are you sure?” Dean nodded hard.

“Yeah, uh this morning I was…well I was able to get to the end,” Cas’s eyes were huge.

“I’m sorry I missed it,” he was rueful.

“You were at work!” Dean laughed.

“That is no excuse,” Cas stated primly. “You were hard and needing and orgasming and that makes it cause for me to be there. I will do better next time.”

“Cas, I think I’m gonna get hard again when you aren’t around.”

“Then I will make the most of them when I am around,” Cas stated and Dean just had to chuckle. “But are you sure? I don’t want to push you.”

“Yeah, baby, I’m scared as hell right now, but yeah, I’m sure.”

“Ok, do you want to…now…” they were both at a loss now that the request was out there.

“I want to eat.” Dean screwed his eyes shut, he just told Cas he wanted sex but now he was backing off and what would Cas do, and oh wait they’d had sex before in that crazy alternate reality so to Cas this was no big deal and oh shit fuck what was he going to do?

“Ok, Dean that sounds wonderful.” Cas kissed and gently pulled at Dean’s hands. “We should eat inside.” Dean nodded and he watched Cas blow out all the candles, his nerves eating away the lining of his stomach.

“Dean?”

“I…fuck, I’m so fucking nervous,” Dean held his face in his hands and Cas just gently held his hips.

“Ok, we don’t have to have sex,” he started but Dean exploded.

“No! I want to have sex! I want you so badly, Cas. I want to feel you all over my body and I need you to connect with me. I’m just…” he worried his lip and Cas just waited for him to figure out his words. “I…what if I’m bad?” he screwed his eyes shut and jumped when gentle fingers came to his cheeks.

“I doubt that will happen,” Cas grinned. “I doubt very much you will be bad because…” now he was at a loss.

“Because we’ve done it before?”

Cas shook his head. “No, that alternate reality you looked and sounded like you but he wasn’t _you_. I was stupid and arrogant to think that I could change you that much and think that that was you.” he rubbed Dean’s chest with cold fingers, “The last few months have taught me that. You are you and no matter what happened in that alternate reality it wasn’t real.”

“So you’re saying because he wasn’t me that we haven’t slept together?” Cas titled his head.

“Well he looked like you and talked like you, and I’m sure he had the same freckles all over,” he winked and Dean blushed, “Like you, but no. I haven’t slept with the real you.” it was his turn to worry his lips. “And that scares me a bit.” Dean’s arms wrapped around his waist, “We’ve been through so much together, you and I, and what if… what if this isn’t right for us? I can’t not have you in my life anymore.”

Dean bent down and buried his face in Cas’s hair. “Me either.”

“So what should we say? That if this is bad we will stay together but no sex?” the voice was small in Dean’s chest.

“Yeah, I mean we’ve been pretty damn happy and successful without it.” Dean sighed, “And I don’t know about you but I’m pushing past forty and the sex is gonna dry up eventually.”

“So we should eat, and then clean the kitchen, and then whatever happens…”

“Happens.” And both felt nothing but relief at the thought. They went in and Dean started serving up dinner, and while his back was turned Cas rearranged the table so they were sitting incredibly close. Dean paused a moment when he turned but the grin was enough to tell Cas not to change anything.

And maybe the sex might just be a little bit good when Dean heard that moan from deep in his partner when the dude took his first bite of steak.

And maybe it would be as satisfying as Cas needed when Dean scooted his seat and plate closer to he could bring Cas’s legs over his and touch whatever he could on Cas’s body. A hand would brush his cheek when a bit of sauce dribbled down, or lips would kiss the mashed potato at the edge of a mouth. Fingers grazed shoulders and throats and sides and hips and there was less talk and more lingering touch.

Finally when Dean brought out the warm chocolate cake all bets were off.

Cas first ran a finger thorough the _homemade_ frosting (thankyouverymuch Cas wasn’t the only one who could bake, ok but Cas was the only one who probably could make the cake from scratch and not a box) and held it to Dean’s lips.

Dean seconded with a fork of chocolate cake held out to his partner and while Cas was munching Dean’s hand strayed down the man’s back and rested just above his ass.

“Why don’t we stop this flirtation and go upstairs?” Cas rumbled when Dean’s fingers started to explore below his belt.

“We should clean up,” Dean smirked, _damn_ he was turned on, he had been terrified that this would end badly, but now all he wanted to do was kiss Cas and roll around in bed. Cas matched the smirk and surged forward to kiss behind Dean’s ear, his breath full of filth and fire.

“I don’t want to, I’d rather take you upstairs and kiss you until you _beg_ for me to stop.”

“Well yeah, my lips would get pretty dry,” Dean tried to joke but all that was out the window with how close Cas was.

“Mmm, I’m not going to kiss your lips.” Cas pulled back his eyes made of embers and desire. “Well I’m not _only_ going to kiss your lips.” His eyes moved at a snail’s pace down Dean’s body until they rested on a spot which was becoming very interested.

“Well, umm,” Dean floundered and Cas just rubbed all over the ex-hunter’s chest.

“Dean take me upstairs and make me moan.”

“Fuck yeah,” Dean nodded and Cas grinned like the devil. “Wait…” he tugged at Cas’s hand.

“You want to clean up the food.” Cas rolled his eyes and grinned. He rubbed his hands on Dean’s back and ass and everywhere he could reach to distract Dean from his intention of cleaning up.

“Cas,” Dean laughed as a hand started snaking between Dean’s legs. “Here,” he reached behind and blindly grabbed the teasing fingers and hooked them in his belt. “Hold on.” And Cas did, if Sam had walked in he would have found a smirking Dean with an angel trotting behind him holding on to his belt.

“I think we’re clean enough,” Cas’s patience was nearing its frayed end and there was no way in hell he was going to let Dean go so far as to do the dishes. Soaking the crusty pans was enough but after that nothing.

“Yeah but…” Dean grinned and turned his head a bit as his tongue was swallowed down. Fingers left his belt and tangled with the hem of his shirt, scraping lightly at the soft tummy underneath. Cas was as relentless as he was passionate. He demanded entrance and as soon as he got Dean’s mouth under his command he dominated Dean’s tongue and cheeks and teeth. he barely let Dean turn around to a more comfortable position but when Dean proved he could turn _and_ still keep Cas’s tongue in his mouth Cas was more than happy to let the man get chest to chest.

Dean let out a soft punch of air when he was pushed against the counter and more air was forced out when Cas wrapped his arms as tight as they would go around Dean’s waist and back. Who made the first strangled sound was unclear but it did succeeded in making both stop the kiss so they could pant and press their foreheads together.

“Well I’m on board now,” Dean panted and Cas giggled breathily, “But we’re both old men and when we first…”

“Make love,” Cas helped.

“Make love,” Dean rolled his eyes. “The first time has to be in a bed.”

“I’m not going to argue about that.” They connected hands and reconnected lips and tongues while trying to blindly get out of the kitchen and up the stairs back to their room.

“Oh fuck it,” Dean grunted around Cas’s tongue and pulled his soul mate to the guest bedroom behind the kitchen.

“I don’t think I’m going to be able to get you naked if we just lay and kiss.”  Dean pressed his forehead again into Cas’s.

“I agree,” Cas laughed.

They started undressing individually but stopped when Cas kissed the long scars on Dean’s torso from the vamp hunt a little over a year ago. Dean helped Cas slide his shirt off and the taller man buried his face in Cas’s neck and wrapped his arms around Cas’s torso. He sighed when he felt fingers at his belt and then the release and heavy thud dropping on the floor. Another fumble and thud and Cas was backing them gently to the bed.

Dean pulled out of his nest and started kissing just like in the kitchen. Their lips and tongues were all consuming and even the gentle fall onto the bed didn’t faze them in the slightest. Cas draped himself across Dean and their skin felt electric. The kiss deepened and Cas ran his hands down Dean’s side and Dean’s calloused hand rubbed inside Cas’s jeans at his ass.

Cas arched back just enough to get their buttons and flys open and bulging boxers and the bed shook as they moaned when they fit together perfectly. Dean circled his hips as Cas shot forward and the hand in Cas’s pants grabbed even harder at his ass.

“Oh fuck, Cas,” Dean moaned, his head dropping back. His legs went automatically around Cas’s waist and suddenly all thoughts and fears of inadequacy and Cas leaving again were gone. Dean committed himself totally to the man in bed with him and both his hands moved to push Cas’s pants away and give Cas an ass massage at the same time. Cas went wild and nodded hard into the kiss and they fell on top of each other trying to get their pants off.

“Oh fuck good enough,” Cas grunted, they’d successfully gotten Dean out of his clothes and Cas’s jeans and boxers were stuck around his ankles.

“Well we know who’s bottoming,” Dean lay on his back, widened his legs, and shook his ass a bit and Cas surged forward. “Oh fuck!” Dean roared when a tongue was _inside_ him. “You don’t waste time,” he panted and tried to regain some sort of control over his breathing.

“I tend to not deny myself supreme pleasures.” Cas grinned and started thoroughly eating his boyfriend out.

“Damn, you go to town, baby, just…shit…” Dean white knuckled the sheets as the tongue actually fucking _crooked_ in his ass. Cas sighed and massaged all over Dean’s chest and legs as he gorged himself on the silky skin of Dean. Cas couldn’t get out of his head the last time he had Dean like this, but the air was charged with so much more now, so much had changed and it was indescribably better.

He slobbered all over Dean’s ass and he thought the man was going to dislocate his hips when he added a finger and Dean’s legs opened as wide as they could possibly could. Cas moved from Dean’s ass and sucked a tense ball in his mouth and looked headedly up Dean’s body. One stiff hand released the sheets and started massaging Cas’s dark hair.

And Dean felt like he was eighteen again.

He felt like he was experiencing the same high like when he was in a school supply closet and praying no one was going to hear his moans. He felt like a gay virgin again when he was nineteen and met a thirty year old at a truck stop and they fucked in the back of his eighteen wheeler. He felt like when he first had sex with another person and he felt like his head was fogged with that heady lust that made him feel as if he was flying high and he couldn’t concentrate on anything but the mouth and the fingers up his ass.

“Shit baby,” he massaged Cas’s head and used both hands to rub tenderly at all the skin he could reach.

“Cas, baby, please get up here,” Dean grabbed at Cas’ shoulders and the angel popped off his cock and dragged himself up Dean’s stomach and chest, kissing lazily all the way.

“Told you,” Cas arched himself above Dean’s heaving chest while he continued to slowly fuck him with three fingers, he leaned down and kissed Dean quickly the mechanic whining and lifting his head to follow the disappearing lips. “I told you I would kiss you until you begged me to stop.” He smirked and kissed all over Dean’s flushed skin.

“Fuck off.” Dean huffed, he grappled at whatever skin he could reach and tried to get Cas as skin to skin as possible.

“Oh if you’d rather I leave…” Cas smirked the grin growing even more when Dean whined.

“No, no baby please don’t leave me,” Dean nearly cried out when Cas swooped down and kissed harder and more loving than any that night.

“Never, I’m never leaving you.”

“Good,” Dean wrapped his arms around Cas’s head and his legs kicked at the covers to try and hug Cas in as much as possible.

They rutted together while Cas’s fingers moved a bit faster in Dean’s ass and their leaking cocks fit together fit together once more.

“Oh shit, you need to be inside me now,” Dean bit his lips and Cas’s as he groaned loudly when Cas pulled his fingers out.

“This is why we should have been upstairs,” Cas frowned and looked at them, Dean’s ass wide in his lap his hole opening and clenching at nothing and begging Cas to fuck it raw. He saw their red cocks shiny with precum, and worried about the lube. He wasn’t expecting Dean to spit in his hand and reaching down to slick Cas up. And who was going to tell if Dean tugged at his cock a few extra times, not Cas.

And before he was aware Dean was lining him up and they moved together to let Cas totally sink in.

That time they really vibrated the bed with their moans.

Cas eased his hips as slowly as he could, he had no idea the last time Dean had had sex so he was going to move as gently as possible. And it seemed that in Den’s mind it really didn’t matter what kind of sex they were having it was important that they were having sex. He pulled Cas down for a needy kiss, their lips bursting with contact and sighing and groaning and wrapping completely in one another.

And Cas figured they were moving slow in the first place he wanted to pull Dean even closer.

So he sat back and took his lover with him.

He sat cross legged and Dean wrapped his legs around his torso and their kiss really heated up. Dean slowly circled his hips and sucked Cas’s bottom lip in his mouth and nibbled at it as the ex-angel clawed at his sides and back and his hips thrust up every now and then.

“Ohh I love you,” Cas groaned and they went back to eating face. Dean’s tongue was down Cas’s throat as they battled and surged toward each other for dominance. Their hips moved with more of a purpose and Dean started to go slowly insane as Cas moved his hands down to rub ass and the specific patch of skin where they were so closely connected.

“I’m, ohhhhh,” Dean leaned back and Cas latched onto his Adam’s apple and started in on a really good hicky. Cas lent his strength and held Dean exactly where he was and started thrusting faster and harder. “Yes, that’s it,” Dean breathed and panted and sweated into his best friend.

“Are you going to come?” Cas rumbled deeper than the ocean. His voice was completely broken and Dean could only nod. He had wanted to last but there was no way, the sex was just too good.

“Good because, I’m…” Cas broke off as his entire body convulsed and he froze mid-thrust.

They fell back with a  gust of air as Cas lost all semblance of his mind. He went for broke and roared as his hips beat out a frantic rhythm. He pounded away and Dean sobbed in time with the movement and the bed squeaked as the headboard matched Cas’s abusing pace and slammed into the wall.

“Yes, yes, yes, that’s it,” Dean cried and yanked at Cas’s hair and they froze in a perfect kiss. his legs were wide and bent, his toes curling and seizing up as he felt his balls come close to his body readying and tensing for the white out to come.

Cas moved faster and faster, tilting his hips subtly to try and find Dean’s prostate. When the man screamed in his mouth and heat shot between them gluing them together Cas knew he was going to have to memorize that spot for another time. He was coming too hard to remember to do anything but keep up the muscle memory of thrusting and kissing.

They rode through seven more spurts of cum and it was the longest orgasm either had ever experienced. Cas continued them on by slowing down until he was just like lazy waves on a beach. He waited until he wasn’t moving before pulling out, both of them grunting.

“I don’t think we have anything to worry about,” Dean laughed as he ran a hand through sweaty hair. Cas grinned and flopped down on his soul mate’s chest and just hummed.

“I can’t wait until we can last for hours.”

“Hours? You gotta remember I’m an old man, Cas,” Dean chuckled, he ignored the tiny brain (the one which resided for the most part in his cock) that Cas could easily tease hours of sex out of him, he could be near fifty and he knew they would fuck all night long.

“Mmm, I seem to recall a man saying that he might be too old for sex even now. We can get those little blue pills,” his face scrunched when Dean scoffed.

“Viagra, Cas we’re not there yet.”

“I don’t know what Viagra is, Dean, Sam just mentioned that you might need some little blue pills when we had sex.”

“It’s…you know what never mind, just know that when Sam offers you sex advice, don’t listen to him.” Cas grinned and they were silent after that. They lay for a long time together and imagined all the places where sex would be fantastic.

“I must say,” Cas sighed as they stretched and moved off the bed, “The next time we have sex I would like to be totally naked with you.”

“You! You were the one who gave up trying to get your pants off.” Dean bent down and helped his idiot out of the tangled mess of jeans.

“Dean have you seen that you are naked? You are most appealing,” Cas hummed as he ran a hand down Dean’s spine. “I would like to see you naked more often Dean.”

“As long as you’re ok with my scars we’ll be naked all the damn time.”

“Your scars are what made the man who I fell deeply in love with.”

“Not these, Cas,” Dean indicated to the several long lines from the vampire nest.

“Yes these,” Cas kissed each and dragged them both upstairs for a shower.

So shower may have turned into shower sex which may have led to Cas riding Dean slowly into the mattress with the moon shining in their bedroom.

“I didn’t push too hard did I?” Cas rolled so he was on his stomach and Dean was on his side curled into Cas.

“What are you talking about, you were the one bottoming, I was doing all the pushing, babe.”

“No, idiot,” Cas placed a grinning kiss on Dean’s falsely indignant mouth. “I mean to have sex in the first place.”

“First off, _idiot_ I was the one who asked for sex, _idiot._ Secondly, _idiot_ , you were the one stopping yourself all the damn time because I wasn’t ready, _idiot_. And third, _idiot_ ,” Dean gave Cas a kiss.

“Third?”

“Hmm? Oh I just wanted to call you an idiot again.” Cas laughed as he hit Dean with a pillow.

They had a very late morning the next day mainly because it seemed that now Dean’s sex drive was in over kill. He was hard all night and Cas was only too ready to party with him.

They spent their weekend mostly naked and enjoying one another _greatly_. The kitchen table had been good and sturdy, the three beds in the house even more so, and Dean found another reason to love the back deck.

Which of course led to a naked game of tag and then led to Dean discovering that sex in the sauna was just about heaven on earth.

By Tuesday Dean realized just how old he was because _damn_ it was sore to move around.

“Hey, I thought you were doing the house for the next two weeks,” Cas started putting together an order for Dean.

“And you think that gets me off the hook for bringing in breakfast for the guys?” Dean laughed. “And just because I’m off doesn’t mean that I don’t bet an amazing…”

“Fruit tart,” Cas slid one over.

“Fruit tart from you.”

So that found a new schedule in Cas and Dean. Cas still kept the same work load at the bakery but now when he returned home he was greeted with a kiss which usually led to messy sex because Dean was always dirty. They moved downstairs to the guest room and Dean wouldn’t allow Cas to see their new bedroom because he wanted it to be a surprise.

So after the afternoon delight Cas would take his nap and Dean went back up to their room. After more hours the night was spent on the couch or in the sauna or Dean would go back to the project that really needed his attention while Cas would work on testing out some new recipe. He’d gotten into gourmet chocolates and he had to resort to texting Dean to get the man to come down and try something. Valentine’s Day was coming up in a few weeks and Cas needed time to perfect everything. Dean had given him the idea to put together Valentine’s boxes and Cas was a man obsessed.

So life was damn perfect.

***

“Happy Valentine’s Day, baby,” Dean hugged Cas when he came through the door. Cas just glared at him. “Ok no Valentine’s,” Dean laughed.

“I’m so glad this fucking holiday is over.” Cas grumbled and Dean just laughed and laughed. He bundled up Mr. Grumpy and just hugged him. “New rule,” Cas growled into Dean’s chest. “Nothing in this house can be red, or pink, or purple. Or heart shaped,” he added as an afterthought.

“Oh shit well then you’re going to _hate_ our new bed.” Cas looked up in alarm. “Yup,” Dean said gravely, “I thought it would be a showing of my love for you but I promise it’ll be gone by tomorrow. I should have known better than you wouldn’t want a heart shaped bed with red silk sheets, my bad.” Cas looked horrified.

“No Dean I am so sorry, my love, I will adore our new bed, please don’t change anything because I’m in a bad mood.” He was about to go on when Dean smirked. “You shit!” Cas wacked him in the stomach.

“Hey! I could have a heart shaped bed up there, you never know!” Cas just laughed, “You might need to go up there and see for yourself,” Dean grinned.

“It’s done?” Cas searched Dean’s face for more tricks, “It’s done!”

“It’s done, baby,” Dean was nearly thrown to the ground when Cas raced up the stairs. Dean made it up much slower behind Cas and stopped when he saw the love of his life standing before the bedroom door. Dean came up behind his lover and best friend and wrapped his arms around Cas’s waist and grabbed his hand. Together they opened the door and Cas gave a soft gasp.

“Dean it’s incredible,” he looked around. At the beginning Dean had brought in a contractor just to be sure he wasn’t going to bring the roof in on himself and after getting the ok he started to work. The two bedrooms had been side to side so the first thing he did was knock the wall out between the rooms and then bring the bathroom and closet wall up to deepen each room. He then cut off the back of the closet to make more room in the bathroom, because seriously all he and Cas wore were tee-shirts, jeans, and the always necessary flannel.

Then on the opposite side of the room he knocked out the end exterior wall and brought it back seven feet to make a nice private deck for the two of them. There were two arm chairs facing the windows and now even more light shone in from the glass French doors leading out to the deck.

“C’mon baby, see this,” Dean softly led Cas to the bathroom where Dean had fully indulged in his inner pamper. The only thing that wasn’t tricked out was the toilet because come on it’s got one purpose. But everything else screamed luxury and comfort. The side by side sinks were cut blue glass bowls that looked elegant and matched the blue and white tile throughout. The shower was big enough to fit four people and had about eight showerheads. There were built in caddies for soaps and at the far end were heated towel racks.

Added to that was the Jacuzzi that Dean and Cas had fallen asleep in Cas’s first day back. Dean had added a window in here too and Cas was overcome with how beautiful it all was.

“Oh Dean,” and he got to his knees and opened Dean’s pants up right there in the middle of their new, gorgeous bathroom.

“Cas,” Dean petted his best friend’s dark hair and brought his chin up so he could look at blue eyes. Cas whined and pulled his nose out of Dean’s boxers but looked up all the same.

“Let’s do this in the shower.” Dean said huskily and Cas grinned, soon clothes were flying.

“You know this is supposed to be a grown up room,” Dean’s head tilted back on the wet shower, jets of water were coming from all sides and Cas’s naked form kneeling at his feet and curling up to the cock in his mouth was an incredible sight to see.

“And we’re doing grown up things.” Cas stated primly and went back to his task of swallowing Dean down.

“You know for a man who hates Valentine’s Day so much you sure are following the stereotypes.” Dean moaned when his cockhead hit the back of Cas’s throat.

“Oh then I’ll stop,” Cas pulled back and Dean ripped at his hair to push him back to his cock.

“But I built this for you,” he whined.

“Then stop teasing me, my love,” Cas breathed on Dean’s shaft and the man all but fell apart. He bobbed on Dean’s cock and sucked as hard as a vacuum with his cheeks hollowed and Dean massaged his wet hair.

“Cas, baby, please get up here,” Dean begged and Cas complied instantly, well the man did just build this amazing room for them. “I want you to come inside me,” Dean turned and pushed his ass back and Cas’s hips made the perfect cradle for him.

Cas did indeed come inside, and a little outside the sex was seriously good and Cas’s orgasm just kept going, Dean and when he was finally able to pull out they just rested with the water still at the perfect temperature raining down on them.

“I have never enjoyed shower sex before, this is a really good shower,” Dean mused, congratulating himself.

“Mm I would have thought you would have said the partner made it good.” Cas looked over with a raised eyebrow.

“Oh well that’s only a maybe,” Dean rubbed Cas’s toweled off ass. “I’d need more proof if it was the partner and not the shower.” He looked slyly and suddenly they were on the bed and Dean’s leg was over Cas’s shoulder and they completely forgot they were old (Dean actually knew his age but Jimmy’s body was getting up there too), and that they’d just had explosive sex not more than ten minutes ago. They were ready to party.

Dean moaned loud and long when he felt Cas’s hardening cock slapped between his cheeks. Cas’s body was even warmer because of the shower and they were still a bit wet and Dean just sighed with Cas when the man slid home. Their pace was slow, not the frantic, messy coupling that happened in the shower. Cas rocked into Dean, keeping his leg high and they found this position made it incredibly easy to find Dean’s prostate.

They were soon messy and sweaty and both were left broken. Dean scratched at Cas’s hips and the man read him perfectly so he moved faster and faster and soon they were back to the messy pace from before.

“I love you,” Cas panted and Dean nodded hard. They came shortly after their bodies just giving way to the intense pleasure.

“So which was better?” Cas lapped at the sweat in Dean’s neck. They were going to need another shower.

“Hmm?”

“Shower or me?”

“Oh shower all the way,” Dean winked and Cas tickled his side.

“You’re an ass,” Cas laughed and Dean pouted, “But you’re _my_ ass.”

“You bet your ass,” Dean ran his hand down Cas’s shoulders to the curve of his spine, to his ass. He cupped the flesh gently and they both sighed.

Dean got them up after much complaining from Cas.

“I thought we were going to spend the time naked,” Cas pouted.

“Well we are absolutely staying naked, but I got food and it needs to be cooked.”

“But I usually cook,” Cas made a face, he turned and rolled off Dean so they could lay side by side Dean on his back and Cas on his stomach. “I like cooking for you.”

“Well that’s the difference on Valentine’s Day, you cook for your sweetheart.” Dean kissed Cas’s nose then lingered on his lips. “Take a nap and let me do everything.”

***

“Hey baby,” Dean kissed a still slightly sleepy Cas, “How was your nap?”

“Mmm, good,” Cas yawned and swiped at Dean’s boxers. “I thought we were going to be naked.” He pouted and Dean laughed. He dropped his underwear and kissed Cas again.

“Not as much fun when you’re alone.”

They ate the steak and mashed potatoes practically in each other’s laps and after Cas wanted to move to the hot tub but Dean stopped him.

“Baby it’ll be so much easier in here,” he grinned and pulled Cas up to their new room. Once safely in bed he grabbed a small present, “Now I know you said no red or pink, but I can’t help this and I think I might get to change you around on this whole Valentine’s Day thing.” Dean pulled out a slim black tube and opened it. Fifty or so red, pink, and white popsicles were sticking out.

Without breaking eye contact he pulled out a stick and read it.

“ _Lick your boyfriend’s nipples for a minute._ ” He tossed the stick over his shoulder and set a stopwatch on his phone. After hitting start he leaned down and licked and kissed and slightly bit over the dark buds. Cas started panting at around twenty three seconds, his hand was gripping Dean’s hair at thirty nine, and he was moaning at thirty nine and a half.

When the phone beeped Dean rolled back on his side and Cas looked over with a blissed out expression. He blinked a few times and Dean just held his propped his head up on one hand while the other rubbed Cas’s tummy.

“So do you like Valentine’s Day?”

“Not in the slightest, we’ll have to try another one.”

Dean grabbed the tube and shook it, “You’re turn.”

“ _Give your partner a lap dance._ ” Cas had a wicked grin and jumped off the bed.

“Where are you going?!” Dean thought that was the greatest Dare in the world and now Cas was leaving?

“Lap dances are so much sexier if you have clothes on, my love.”

Turned out there were a lot of things that were a whole lot more fun with clothes on. And after seventeen rounds Cas, sweaty, blissed out, and happy, admitted maybe Valentine’s Day wasn’t so bad.

***

Cas woke to Dean rolling around. He grumbled and let the man up, long ago learning that when Dean rolled in the early morning it meant bathroom. A sleepy thanks was whispered and Cas heard his love shuffle off to the bathroom. After what seemed like a million years Dean was back and crawling down under the covers. Cas went into octopus mode and pulled the man back in and got a huff of laughter.

“You never change,” Dean snuggled down and kissed Cas’s forehead.

“Mmm, never,” Cas sighed and both were back to sleep.

When it was a better time to wake up Cas was the first, he shifted slightly just so he could look up at Dean without waking the man up. Sunlight streamed in through the curtains and for a moment Cas saw the brown hair and freckles of the past. Now it was very light grey hair and age spots and wrinkles. Not that Cas complained, he fell in love with Dean’s beauty every day.

Forty eight years.

Back before the mark, before the apocalypse, before everything Dean always joked he would never get to old age. Cas snuggled in deeper and kissed Dean’s cheek, hardly able to believe that he’d gotten there himself. He thought back over their nearly five decades and knew in every inch of his soul that he wouldn’t trade those hundreds of years with the other Dean for one second more with this Dean. Sure his knees hurt and his body felt _old_ , his mind was always old but Cas had never felt physically old, but he had the love of his life and he was in love with every moment with his life.

Dean stirred and turned, looking over at Cas’s white hair, bright eyes, and wrinkled mouth. He placed a kiss on each wrinkle and sighed in happy contentment.

“You know there was a time when I got to watch you sleep, and then if I dared to wake you up I got pushed out of the bed!”

“That was one time!” Cas protested and Dean gave him a look.

“I always knew you were an old man, but I never would have pegged you for a lying old man.”

“It was perhaps _one_ …dozen times,” Cas argued which turned into a sigh as Dean kissed his neck.

“What shall we do today?” Dean kissed longer. Dean had retired from the garage when they were sixty five, they had no idea how old Jimmy was and had no real desire to find out so Cas just said he was the same age as Dean and that they shared the same birthday. Cas stayed on at the café with a staff of three and then retired with Dean when they were seventy four. After that had been travel, going all over America and seeing things that they’d been to before but were too busy ganking monsters to notice. They cooked and baked and stayed blissfully happy with one another and their lives were perfect.

“Mmm, I want to finish my book,” Cas sighed happily as Dean’s mouth traveled lower. Their sexy fun times were lessened, and it took longer for them to get it up, but while no one might want to think of two ninety one year olds getting it on Dean and Cas were still getting it on.

So after Cas’s greatly appreciated wake up they moved downstairs and had breakfast.

“Deck or spa?” Time may have changed the world in the fifty years but their little property had stayed almost exactly the same. Sure the hot tub had some new gadgets and tricks, the chairs were self-warming and suited to soothe their every ache, and the sauna was programed down to the one hundredth of a degree, but it was still theirs.

“Ooh spa,” Cas grinned, both had been lucky never to have any real health problems, though Dean had a bad back and arthritic joints and Cas was always cold. His circulation was getting slower, the doctors said not to worry just have extra sweaters and blankets around. So the spa and their bed were Cas’s favorite places to warm up.

All morning was spent at the spa enjoying one lounge chair and two books. They went in and made lunch, Robert, Holly and Sam’s eldest, had tried to get his two uncles to get a ButlerBot to help them around but the two old men just laughed it off and said they were fine on their own.

The afternoon was spent with a very long “warm up” session in bed. Cas had brushed his cold fingers on Dean’s neck at lunch and Dean pulled his lover in and stated he had better ways of keeping Cas warm than a book.

Dean made dinner while Cas was still wrapped up in bed and he brought a tray of hot stew and they ate it together in bed.

For last day on earth, all in all, it was a pretty perfect one.

Cas woke sharply and the first thing he noticed were Dean’s arms fading from his stomach. He looked around wildly and saw a thin man smiling serenely at him.

“No. Put me back.”

“The number of times I’ve heard that,” Death said silkily, “I’m sorry Castiel, your time is up.”

“No, put me back,” Cas looked over at Dean who was still deep asleep and holding Cas’s body in his arms. “Please,” he turned to Death and felt tears well up. “I can’t do this without him.”

“I know,” it was soft and easy, everything that death should be. “I’m sorry, Castiel, I truly am, but if you come with me I will put you in a small corner of Heaven where you will wait for Dean and when he arrives you will live eternity with no interference of angels or anyone but yourselves.”

“Thank you,” Cas rubbed his face, “I appreciate that, and I thank you for that, but you have to put me back.” Death gave him a pained look.

“You know I cannot do that. You’ve died Castiel I cannot undo that.”

“Please,” Cas cried in earnest now, he moved closer to their bed, their amazing, wonderful, bed. He tried to brush at Dean’s face, the face that had known so much happiness and had given so much to Cas. “I won’t be able to do any of that without him.” He whispered, the tears were falling on Dean’s chest but no wet marks or splashes showed. “Please,” he tried to stroke Dean’s face but his hand just brushed through.

“I’m begging you,” Cas wasn’t sure how long had passed, it was like when he was an angel again and time had lost all meaning. “I love him.”

“Castiel…” Death sighed, “Look you know I respect you, and I know you truly do love him, but it will be a flash. A blink of an eye,” Death waved his hand, “You will hardly know the difference of time and he will be in your arms.”

“No, thank you,” Cas sniffed. “I’ll stay here, I’ll stay here until he dies. He needs me just as much as I need him. I’ll wait here for him.”

“Castiel you know what will happen,” Death was soft and he placed a comforting hand on Cas’s shoulder. “When he wakes up he will see that you’re gone and he will have forty years of gut instinct take over and he will…”

“Burn my body,” Cas sighed, “I know, but I will stay here.” He set his lips and was stubborn. “I don’t care, I will stay here until he dies and then we can go to heaven together.” Death sighed, this wasn’t a rational mind he was dealing with, Cas was distraught at the thought that he was about to spend time away from Dean, not to mention the whole being dead thing. But Death had millennias of dealing with irrational minds.

“Castiel,” he said slowly as if he was working with a wounded and scared animal. “Castiel if your body gets burned you will cease to exist. He will die when his time comes I will take him to heaven and you won’t be there.”

“But our love is strong enough, it lasted through the Mark, the Fates, everything, fifty years,” he breathed and fresh tears rolled down his face. “I will survive my body being burned.” He turned and looked desperately at Death, “Who will remind him to take his blood pressure pills? Who will hold him at night, who will talk to him? What will happen to him when I’m gone?” he looked back at the love of his life and watched as Dean still slept on, comforted without the knowledge that he was holding an empty shell. He would wake in a few hours and realize Cas was gone and…Cas wept when he thought about Dean’s broken face seeing Cas gone. He would take care of his soulmate one last time and then Dean would live out until Death came for him…Death had always promised he would take Team Free Will…wait…

“Can you take him now?” he looked back at Death and the being hardly looked surprised. He looked almost like he was expecting it. “Take him now, we can go together to heaven and we’ll stay together,” he looked back at sleeping Dean. “Please,” he murmured to just Dean.

“You understand what you’re saying.” Death looked hard at the back of Cas’s head. “You are asking me to kill him, or at least to bring his death sooner.”

“Yes,” Cas breathed.

“He may hate you for this.”

“He won’t,” Cas said with utter surety. “He will want to be with me.” Death looked slightly incredulous but he also knew Cas was exactly right.

“On your own head be it,” he went over and gently brushed at Dean’s white hair.

Dean jumped with a start and looked at the all too familiar figure he knew he’d be seeing sooner than later. Death looked as impassive as ever but he did look a little pleased to see Dean, if that counted for anything.

“Put me back,” he looked desperately at the bed and missed Cas standing just behind Death. “Put me back right now, you dick, don’t you dare take me before him.” He almost started throwing punches.

“You two think surprisingly similar.” Death swept aside and Cas moved out of the shadows.

“Cas…” Dean stared, it had felt like a million years since he’d seen the brown sex hair, the blue eyes not surrounded by wrinkles, the body that looked muscular and strong. He looked from young Cas to the man he’d fallen asleep with and the puzzle pieces clicked. “You asked for this?”

“Downright demanded it,” Death said happily.

“Yes…I couldn’t…” Cas slowly moved to Dean. This was the hunter he’d fallen for years, decades, ago. Dean was tall and straight, no pain was in his joints, his sandy hair was back, and if anything he looked just a bit younger than when Cas first met him face to face. “I couldn’t move on without you,” he grasped Dean’s hands and sighed in happiness when he felt solid fingers under him. “I’m sorry,” he jumped when his hands were kissed.

“Don’t be, I would have demanded the same.”

“Lovely,” Death clapped his hands together, “Dean I am sorry you don’t have any food for me, but I believe this is our final journey, my old friend.”

True to his word, Death had carved out a small bit of heaven locked off from all the other angels. No one came and bothered Cas about returning to his job as warrior angel, no one really came at all except for when they visited Sam and Holly. Their heaven was simple, just their lake property with no one else but them. When they were hungry food appeared, though it was usually ingredients because both adored cooking together. Sex was interesting; when they first made love (about as soon as they entered heaven) time really had no meaning. They could have been naked and sweating together for five minutes or seventeen years.  If they wanted dark, night came on with a million stars, if they wanted light the sun rose. Time had ceased between them, they were together and in love.

And it was pure heaven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the end folks! I never thought this little story would have turned into about a hundred and twenty pages but here it is! Thanks to all who have given your love and be sure to check out my other works!

**Author's Note:**

> As always I love you awesome nerds, and I love your comments very dearly!


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